The idea of this thread is for a bit of fun following the Loughborough Magistrate’s Court decision. Contributors should write, tongue in cheek’ with a lesson on what they think should be a course component of The Spoof Btec / NVQ Online.
Today’s lesson is;
Filling your vehicle with fuel.
Filling your vehicle with fuel is not as easy as you may think. There are many things to consider, such as;
When do I buy fuel?
Where do I buy fuel?
What type of fuel should I put into my vehicle?
Where is the fuel filler cap in my vehicle?
How do I put fuel into my vehicle?
When do I buy fuel?
You should buy fuel, when your vehicle’s fuel tank is running low on fuel. This means that you have done a considerable amount of mileage since you last filled your vehicle with fuel. You can usually tell that your vehicle is running low on fuel by looking at the fuel gauge. The fuel gauge is usually found on the dashboard, but be careful not to confuse it with the temperature gauge, which in many vehicles is the same size & of similar appearance to the fuel gauge. If you mistake the fuel gauge for the temperature gauge you will always think your fuel tank is half full ….. until your vehicle stops when it has run out of fuel. If in doubt
to verify where on the dashboard your vehicle’s fuel gauge is located.
Where do I buy fuel?
You can buy fuel at a filling station, where you will find fuel pumps for dispensing different types of fuel, such as unleaded petrol, premium unleaded petrol, diesel, premium diesel or liquid petroleum gas. At night petrol stations are lit-up, so that driver notice them more easily & also so that people who fill up their vehicles with fuel at night can see what the f**k they are doing. Filling stations usually have large forecourts with several pumps arranged in lines so that vehicles can drive in one way & exit another. This is called a drive through filling station & is similar to a McDonald’s restaurant drive through, except that instead of buying food for your fat belly, you buy fuel for your vehicle instead.
What type of fuel should I put into my vehicle?
You should only fill your vehicle with the type of fuel your vehicle was designed to run on. If you
it will tell you what type of fuel your particular vehicle uses. This could be unleaded petrol, premium unleaded petrol, diesel, premium diesel or liquid petroleum gas. If you fill your vehicle with the wrong fuel, this could be potentially very dangerous & will almost certainly be very costly to rectify. Your vehicle may not start if you have filled your vehicle tank with the wrong type of fuel & if it does start the engine will not run for long. Liquid petroleum gas can be particularly dangerous if you attempt to connect the filler hose at the filling station to your vehicles filler cap. The liquid petroleum gas may explode, taking you, your vehicle, the filling station & the neighbourhood into oblivion. So make sure you fill your vehicle with the right type of fuel; it may have far reaching consequences if you fill your vehicle with the wrong fuel!
Where is the fuel filler cap in my vehicle?
After making sure that you have chosen the right type of fuel for your vehicle, you should proceed to fill your vehicle’s fuel tank. However, you must first locate your vehicles fuel filler cap. If you are not sure where this is
.
DO NOT GUESS IF YOU DO NOT KNOW!
Putting fuel into your vehicle’s screen-wash reservoir, or the radiator expansion tank, or the engine oil filler may create a dangerous situation. So be totally sure that you know exactly where your vehicle’s fuel filler cap is located.
How do I put fuel into my vehicle?
Once you are sure & have selected the correct fuel for your vehicle, take off or unscrew the fuel filler cap & put the nozzle at the end of the dispensing hose for the fuel you have chosen into the mouth of your vehicle’s fuel filler. The fuel filler is a short pipe, which is connected to the fuel tank. This ensures that the fuel you want to dispense from the filling station pump goes straight into your vehicle’s fuel tank. Once you have put the fuel dispensing nozzle safely into your vehicle’s filler pipe, press the trigger on the fuel dispensing nozzle & fuel will start to gush into your vehicle’s fuel tank. You should not press the trigger on the fuel dispensing nozzle before you have safely put the nozzle into the vehicle’s fuel filler pipe. On no account should you try to aim the flow of fuel from the dispensing nozzle into the vehicle’s fuel filler pipe from distance. This is very dangerous & on a windy day may cause a spray or mist of volatile, inflammable fuel with potentially disastrous consequences.
If your vehicle runs on liquid petroleum gas, then your vehicle’s fuel filler will have a screw fitting which corresponds to the filling stations dispensing equipment, which also terminates in a screw fitting. Vehicles that use Liquid Petroleum Gas have male screw threads on their fuel fillers and filling station LPG equipment has female screw threads. Sometimes Liquid Petroleum Jelly is needed to lubricate the female, so that the male can screw right in to avoid spillage.
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Oh well leave it with me and carry on with the rest I'll get an answer sorted by Monday 
Anyway I had 2 glasses of wine and a black russian and then some vodka but not sure how many, I do however remember why I don't drink often........... and of course there is also the hangover which I don't do well either