Taxi Driver Online

That is a bear with one hell of a sore head.

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Grandad,

CHOCOLATE CALCULATOR



Don't tell me your age; you'd probably lie anyway-

YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH

This is pretty neat.

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute .
Work this out as you read .
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1759 ….If you haven't, add 1758.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number.

The first digit of this was your original number
(I.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week.

The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2009) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Nice one ,can you explain how it works

no. came by e-mail from an intellect greater than mine. (could be anybody)

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

The Human Body!

Very informative!


It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this should stop here and not continue reading further!!!!

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Men are still busy checking the length of their thumbs!!!

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

That seems awfully long or perhaps I just have long thumbs compared to mens

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

removed joke : second thoughts about subject matter

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

You could at least let us know what the subject matter is so we can decide if we want to hear the joke

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Disorder In The Court

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts , and are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I , Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you [edited by admin] me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTO RNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor , I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No , this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral..
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
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And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor , before you performed the autopsy , did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So , then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure , Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see , but could the patient have still been alive , nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes , it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

my only excuse is I had had a voddy or 3 when I read it first time, I lol'd. Then I posted it here. I then thought about it and removed it. But I'm re-posting it, and if it meets with adverse comments, and I feel it might, I'll remove it again.

A woman stopped me in the street and started telling me a joke. It had all the ingredients of a good joke, starving niggers,death,tears and suffering but i didn't understand the punchline.....something about 2 pound a month?

or if the mods want to do it for me, please feel free to do so,

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Neither do I?

But then you said you had a few voddy, before you told the joke, or was that before you were told the joke?

Do you know where the woman that stopped you in the street lives, so that you can go round & ask her to tell the joke again?

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

Please!

I do

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

Tell me your messin' cos I understand the punchline

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Man laying on the beach with nothing on but a hat over his co*k. Woman walks past and says "a gent would lift his hat for a lady" the man say's "if you wasn't so fu*kin ugly it'd lift itself"

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!