Taxi Driver Online

Please what or who?

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

Then I am having one of your moments!!!

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

If you're serious about having one of my moments I'll explain it on a pm but not on here

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Best that you PM me as well then coz it has gone way over my head.

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Grandad,

Thanks for the pm Toots.

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Grandad,

A Primary School teacher had twenty-six children in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by Primary School children. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!


1. Don't change horses................................. until they stop running..

2. Strike while the......................................... wasp is close.

3. It's always darkest before.......................... Daylight Saving Time..

4. Never underestimate the power of................termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but..................How?

6. Don't bite the hand that.................................looks dirty.

7. No news is....................................................impossible

8. A miss is as good as a.................................... Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new....................... Maths

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll.................... stink in the morning..

11. Love all, trust............................................... me.

12. The pen is mightier than the.......................... pigs.

13. An idle mind is............................................ the best way to relax

14. Where there's smoke there's........................ pollution.

15. Happy the bride who.................................... gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is.......................................... not much.

17. Two's company, three's.................................. the Musketeers.

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what......................... you put on to go to bed..

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.........................You have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as.............................. Stevie Wonder .

21. Children should be seen and not........................ spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don't succeed.............................. get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you..............See in the picture on the box

24. When the blind lead the blind............................ get out of the way.

25. A bird in the hand.......................................... is going to poop on you..


And the WINNER and last one!

26. Better late than................................................. Pregnant

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

The perfect gift
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oa09HtsQbk

After watching this i don't think i will be going paragliding in the near future
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7kUFWOMQB0

I'll never trust a man bearing gifts again

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

A story from Tales of a Taxi Driver from redandwhitekop.com

Scottie Road New Years Eve, cabbie gets flagged by 3 fellas worse for the wear, they get in and fella says "3 drops mate" and the drunken one is last, first drop is Prince Edward St, so he goes there and drops him off. 2nd fella says "Everton Brow then take him to the Bullring", (obviously a while ago) so he drops the 2nd fella on Everton Brow and heads off to the Bullring when he gets there he tries to wake up the 3rd fella who was obviously p*ssed only to find out it was a manequin dressed up in a suit, what a con they deserved a medal and the cabbie still has it in his cab to this day lmao

Liverpool at it's best!!!

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

candidate for worst joke?



A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place...

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and
he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a night-cap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. . .

She says:

'You just happened to catch my eye.'

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

In an effort to gain more popularity & increase the size of congregations, especially with the younger generation, the Church of England has decided to introduce a Diet Holy Communion. The new Diet Holy Communion will be marketed as, 'I can't believe it's not Jesus'.

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS
An atheist was walking through the woods.

'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals! he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.

He tripped and fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him...

At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'

'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?

Am I to count you as a believer?

The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?

'Very well,' said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:

'For what I am about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful, Amen.'

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

A man wakes up in the Mater Hospital , bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.

Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up a month ago on the M50.

You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but.......

Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the crash, and we were unable to find it.'

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, 'You've got £9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact!

But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap.. It's £1000 an inch.'

The man perks up at this.

'So,' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want.

But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.

'So,' says the doctor, 'have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have,' says the man.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'She has,' says the man.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor.

'We're getting a new kitchen.'

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

worser than the last worst joke, be warned.....

Patrick Swayze & Keith Floyd are up in heaven.

Keith says,...... "Patrick, I'm sorry but you can't have any more herbs on your dinner......."!.

“Why" says Patrick?

"Because you’ve already had the thyme of your life"!

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.