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PostPosted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 5:11 pm 
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Location: Twixt Heaven and Hell, but nearest Hell
a chap sees a bloke with a dog


the dog is on its rear legs, front paws on a wall, taking a pee


he says to the owner "how long has he done that?"


the owners says "ever since a wall fell on him while was having a pee up it"

----------------------------------

chap in a pub watches a dog with its owner

the dog is licking its balls

he says "I wish i could do that"

the owners says "give him a crisp and he will let you"


---------------------------------

whats the difference between a jack russell humping your leg and rottweiler doing the same?

you let the rottwelier finish

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 2:42 am 
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpjBGNk3pJc

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 12:22 pm 
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Location: Wirral
Best Divorce Letter, ever!



Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.

I hope that's not a problem.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 5:59 pm 
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How not to impress your lover :lol: :lol:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1TerOxIqvk

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 10:41 pm 
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Location: A Villa in Aston NO MORE!
toots wrote:
How not to impress your lover :lol: :lol:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1TerOxIqvk

I've not laughed so much in a long time!!

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Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 7:17 pm 
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Location: grangemouth
I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 9:44 pm 
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Location: A Villa in Aston NO MORE!
'If women are so bloody perfect at multi-tasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?'

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Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 7:04 am 
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Brummie Cabbie wrote:
'If women are so bloody perfect at multi-tasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?'


Best cure for a headache :wink:

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 9:08 pm 
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Don't honk at old people
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mr8KrF8vNPM

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:33 pm 
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Location: grangemouth
A man driving around the backwoods of Montana sees a sign in front of a broken down house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, and the owner appears and tells him that the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he asks 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help my country, so I contacted the CIA. In no time at all, they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible drug deals and was awarded a batch of medals.'

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog..

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that [edited by admin]'

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:46 pm 
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAWZIDjyXIM

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 16, 2009 11:42 pm 
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Location: A Villa in Aston NO MORE!
I have often wondered what would happen in a post on the Forum if posters kept replying while quoting the previous poster.

How small would the original post eventually become?

I'd love to find out ..... wouldn't you?

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Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 16, 2009 11:44 pm 
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Brummie Cabbie wrote:
I have often wondered what would happen in a post on the Forum if posters kept replying while quoting the previous poster.

How small would the original post eventually become?

I'd love to find out ..... wouldn't you?


You just knew that would appeal to me I could play for hours at this game if I didn't have to go to work.

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 16, 2009 11:44 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jul 26, 2008 3:22 pm
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Brummie Cabbie wrote:
I have often wondered what would happen in a post on the Forum if posters kept replying while quoting the previous poster.

How small would the original post eventually become?

I'd love to find out ..... wouldn't you?

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 16, 2009 11:45 pm 
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Location: Wirral
toots wrote:
Brummie Cabbie wrote:
I have often wondered what would happen in a post on the Forum if posters kept replying while quoting the previous poster.

How small would the original post eventually become?

I'd love to find out ..... wouldn't you?


You just knew that would appeal to me I could play for hours at this game if I didn't have to go to work.


In fact I'd enjoy it so much I'd post twice about it :lol:

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!


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