Taxi Driver Online

it's true we dont know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true we dont know what we've been missing until it arrives!!!!

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

I is in my head today and wondering when it got so messy in here!!!

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

some people call them Obnoxious Morons. We call them our valued customers

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast (butter side up) to the back of a cat and drop it

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

It gets eaten by the Dog before it touches the ground

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

Not that dog though cos he's got a bone in his mouth

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

That's what's left of the cat

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

If you get olive oil from squeezing olives........ where do you get baby oil from

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Boots the chemist.

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Grandad,

Being British is about driving a german car to an Irish pub for a Belgian
beer, then on your way home grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab to
sit on a Swedish sofa and watch USA shows on a Japanese TV. And most of
all being suspicious of anything Foreign. Oh and only in Britain can you
get a pizza to your home faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain do
banks leave both doors open and chain pens to the counter. Also
Supermarkets make sick people walk to the back of the shop for
prescriptions whilst healthy people get their fags at the front of shop.

We might be british but by f*** we're funny

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,

The second man was an Accountant,

The third man was a Chemist, and

The fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.'

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen

and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,

'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.

He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.'

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,

got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured

Exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government

Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?'

The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'CoffeeBreak, do your stuff..'

CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......




Ate the cookies........

Drank the milk.......

Sh*t on the paper.......

Screwed the other three cats.......

Claimed he injured his back while doing so.......



Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......



Put in for Workers Compensation...............and

Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............






AND THAT MY FRIEND, IS WHY EVERYONE

WANT'S TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

If I ever mention that I'm going to move house ever again will somebody please hunt me down and just shoot me in both feet, it's gotta be less painful

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Fun facts about the human body





It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

The average man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

I tiknhs msot popele can raed wrods no mtetar how mxeid up the lretets are... It wrkos as lnog as the fsrit and lsat letetrs are in the smae pacle.

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!