Taxi Driver Online

I've just bought the girlfriend a pair of Liverpool knickers.

They're great!!

Two Yanks & they're down!!

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

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A young Arab asks his father, “What is this weird hat that we are wearing?”

The father replies, “Why, it’s a ‘chechia’ because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun!”

“And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?” the young Arab continues.

It’s a ‘djbellah’ because in the desert it’s very hot and it protects our body from the heat.” replies the young Arab’s father.

“And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet, father?” the young Arab asks.

“They are ‘babouches’ which keep us from burning our feet on the hot desert sand.” answers the father.

The young Arab thinks for a while & then says, “Tell me pappa?” and then paused again.

“Yes my son?” prompts the father.

“Then, why are we living in Wolverhampton?”

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walks into a bra.

Heard the one about two aerials meeting on a roof, falling in love, and getting married? The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

“I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays’.”

Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son..
He gives the young boy 3 shiny penny pieces to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face..
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back..

The boy coughs up 2 of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the penny to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "



'No,' the woman replied. 'I'm with the Inland Revenue

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

A woman goes into a fishing tackle shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. An assistant is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?' He says, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.' She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, 'That's a twelve-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only £20.00.' She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. 'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind assistant could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around?

The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be £34.50 please.'

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for £20.00? How did you get £34.50?'

He replies, 'Yes, The rod and reel is £20.00, but the Duck Call is £11.00 and the Catfish Bait is £3.50.

Paddy goes to visit his brother in hospital, when he arrives he is out of breath. His brother asks him what have you been doing, Paddy tells him that he ran all the way to the hospital behind the bus and saved 30 pence, his brother replies, you should have run behind a taxi and saved £3.00. Paddy says - next time I will do that.

disgusting


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJzfg7gWluw

lolz, rofl, lmfho etc

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Two cannibals are eating a clown when one says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

The walk home from the pub...

http://www.angelfire.com/ak2/intelligen ... _path.html

Feck that would rather take a private hire

A dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse

"hello, id like to thee a lady horth pleeth"

"certainly sir, how about this one", says the dealer

"Nith, cud i thee her eyeth pleeth?"

so the dealer lifts him up

"Nith eyeth, could i see her teeth pleeth?"

so the dealer lifts him up again

"Nith teeeth"

"Could i thee her twot?"

so the dealer lifts him up and pushed his head up the mares fanny, then pulls him out

"the dwarf says "could i wefwaz that pleeth?"









"Cud I thee her wun awaound pleeth?"

You just gotta love those American Church Ladies and their typewriters!

They're Back!

Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins, or were announced in church services;

The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5pm - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

Some seasonal cheer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UY0YEica8A

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.

To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.

Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg,

'E-G-G'.

'Very good', says the teacher.

Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.

'Excellent.'

Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.

'I had [edited by admin] all', he says, 'F-U-C-K A-L-L'.

The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.

Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.

Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada . Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada 's east coast.

When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.

Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'

Johnny ponders the question and finally says, 'The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother.

That's why I got [edited by admin] all for breakfast'.