Taxi Driver Online

Can't play it at all the site owners band width has been exceeded

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scottishman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of knickers.

St Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'


The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season
Begins......

I received this, it has its merits.


The British Solution to Save Petrol

CAMERON wants us to cut the amount of petrol we use.....

The best way to stop using so much petrol is to deport 3 million illegal immigrants!

That would be 3 million less people using our petrol. The price of petrol would come down.....

Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the Channel....

When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Channel, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....

Tell him if he wants to come to Britain then he must serve a tour in the military....

Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it.....

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country.....

He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident.... .

This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves.. ....

If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.....

Problem solved....

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London . Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye. The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair".

Paddy said to his pal, "Mick look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of dose and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking cause if they hear our accents, they might think were thickos from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on my best English accent.

Roight y'are Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. You do all da business said Mick.

They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load em on, so I will."

The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland , aren't you?"

"Well yes," said a surprised Paddy. "What gave it away?"

The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners.

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Politically Incorrect Joke of the Day


What do you call the first Afghan off the boat?


Amhere!


What do you call the second Afghan off the boat?


Amhere Azwell!


What do you call the third Afghan off the boat?


Amhere Azwell Azhim!

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Subject: Travelling in icy conditions

A government warning said that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take:

Shovel, Blankets or sleeping bag

Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves

24 hours supply of food and drink

De-Icer

5Kgs of Rock Salt

Torch or lantern with spare batteries

Road Flares and Reflective Triangles

Tow rope

5 gallon petrol Jerrycan

First Aid Kit

Jump Leads

I looked a complete Pratt on the bus this morning !!!!!!

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Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

This is class http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJhHDqUw ... verified=1

THE CORRECT INSURANCE FOR THE FOLLOWING ACTS:


SEX with your wife -legal & general

SEX with your future wife-Mutual Trust

SEX with your secretary - Employers Liability

SEX with a prostitute - Commercial Union

SEX on the telephone- Direct line

SEX with your biographer - Quote me happy

SEX in a hurry- Insure & go

SEX with your boyfriend -standard life

SEX with a transvestite- confused . com

SEX with some one different - go compare . com

SEX with an animal - compare the meerkat . com

SEX with a fat bird - More Than

SEX on the back seat - sheila's wheels

SEX with an o.a.p- saga

SEX with a posh bird - privilege .com

SEX with a sheep - Farmers Union

What a numpty http://www.lotsofjokes.com/slingshot_in ... eo-811.htm

Is he brave or stupid http://www.lotsofjokes.com/policeman_pu ... eo-934.htm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9c8FJ19yVE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSK1D3bZ ... re=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDxrfEeR ... re=channel


lols aplenty from the animal kingdom

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Welfare Check

A man walks into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi. You know....
I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants
a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to
drive around in his 2010 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of
your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided, and
you'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips."

"This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have as part of
your job assignment satisfying her ...'urges' as the daughter is in
her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, stammers, "You're bullshittin' me!".

The social worker says, "Yeah, well ... you started it.

weve just adopted a little black lad, we are naming him "Google"











well he will spend a lot of time getting searched.................

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most

A Little Austrian Town Named


http://www.scribd.com/doc/242564/A-Litt ... Town-Named