Taxi Driver Online

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
A: Same time next month?


Q; What do lesbians cook?
A: They don’t, they just eat out

Q: Definition of frenzy
A: Blind lesbians in a fish market

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Nobody told me to use my initiative. To err is human to arr is pirate.

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

Dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it at dinner.

'Son, where were you today?'
Son says 'at school Dad.'
Robot slaps the son!

'Ok, I watched a dvd at my mates!'
'What dvd?'
'Toy story.'
Robot slaps the son again!

'Ok, it was a porn' cries the son.
'What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was' says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad!

Mum laughs 'HaHaHa! He's certainly your son.'



Robot slaps the mum!..

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

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http://wingsoverscotland.com/ http://www.newsnetscotland.com/

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He's the slave of all slaves who serves none but himself.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain

Alba Gu Bràth

An American photographer on vacation was inside Westminster Abbey taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Lincoln
There, at the cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in London and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 he could talk to God.

'O.K., thank you,' said the American.

He then travelled to York , Durham and Liverpool

In every Cathedral he saw the same golden telephone with the same '£10,000 per call' sign under it.

The American, upon leaving the N of England decided to travel to Scotland to see if the Scots had the same phone.

He arrived in Glasgow, and again, as he entered the cathedral , there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '50 pence per call.'

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Reverend, I've travelled all over England and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in England the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it only 50pence here?'

The minister smiled and answered, 'You're in Scotland now, son .... it's a local call.

Don't know if we have any NFL fans on here, but this is one right pi** take of a touchdown.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/america ... 346855.stm

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IDFIMH

This year's new Olympic event is London cabbies trying to go from "I'm no racist" to "you can see why people vote BNP" in the quickest time.

*stolen from twitter

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin, Ireland. She raised her right arm,
revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy
a woman a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.

But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the
ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at
all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady another drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a
drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"
The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

A little boy goes to his Dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
>
> Dad says, 'Well Son, let me try to explain it this way:
>
> I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.
>
> Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the
> Government.
>
> We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
>
> The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
>
> And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
>
> Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
>
>
>
>
> So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
>
> Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to
> check on him.
>
> He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.
>
> So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
>
> Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door
> locked, he peeks in the
> keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
>
> He gives up and goes back to bed.
>
> The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I
> understand the concept
> of politics now. '
>
> The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think
> politics is all about.'
>
> The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working
> Class while the
> Government is sound asleep.
>
> The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep [edited by admin].'

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

Whitney Houston died just hours after being asked to be a judge on the next season of X-Factor. Personally I think she made the right decision.

someone or other

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's Tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I still kill you tomorrow.

"What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds," I'd like to speak to my horse....ALONE."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says:

"Listen very carefully, you d*ckhead, for the last time.......... . BRING POSSE!!!!"

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin