Taxi Driver Online

Aussies are sensitive as you all know, just take me for example

Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey .

As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly..

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.

Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.

Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'

'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.

'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?'

'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."

She said, 'You must be mistaken.. I'm not a widow.'

Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'

Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff.

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.

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Nobody told me to use my initiative. To err is human to arr is pirate.

The government today announced that it is changing its symbol to a CONDOM, because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.... A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed! Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Halloween!

Bought the wife some crutchless nickers for halloween. Nothing sexual mind, just provides a better grip on the broomstick

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Nobody told me to use my initiative. To err is human to arr is pirate.

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on... So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.
When the angel returned, he told God,'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.

God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'

So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time. When the angel returned she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good...'

God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

S O M E T I MES

Sometimes...
When you cry....
No one sees your tears..



Sometimes...
When you are in pain.
No one sees your hurt.



Sometimes..
When you are worried..
No one sees your stress



Sometimes..
When you are happy..
No one sees your smile ..



-



But FART!!just ONE time....



And everybody knows!!

Gotcha!!

You thought this was going to be one of those heart-touching stories!

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Subject: Don't drink and drive



Rick's friend Alan writes about his dilemma earlier this week:


"With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.
As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.


Well two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly, I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.



Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise, as I had never driven a cab before. I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it".

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

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http://wingsoverscotland.com/ http://www.newsnetscotland.com/

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Best Marriage Proposal Ever........

http://www.youtube.com/embed/dYslhL71k1M?rel=0

1001 posts now

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P-reg with STT Emtec Clean Cab System

If only it were that simple..........




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_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

_________________

http://wingsoverscotland.com/ http://www.newsnetscotland.com/

Just been to Tesco's cafe. I ordered a burger. The counter girl asked me if I wanted anything on it. I replied "yes, a fiver each way."

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Grandad,

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http://wingsoverscotland.com/ http://www.newsnetscotland.com/