Why not, lets have em, judging on quality of

1 Beer belly

2 Best retort to a customer you are trying to rip off

3 Aromatics, see who can make a squirt of SURE last longest before customer gags

4 Best insult

5 Most legal slicks

6 Best fob off why the route was longer

7 Best in class @ bullshit, from MPG to takings

8 Oldest trousers and waistcoat in serviceable condition

9 Smelliest footwear (4 hrs required to get bacteria growth up to realistic levels)

10 Pronunciation of ME NO UNDERSTANDY in the best accent.

I would enter but I would lose hands down.

FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKIN A!