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Murray vows to drive the English out of Scotland

TENNIS champion Andy Murray is using his fame to unite Scotland against the English, it has emerged.

The 25-year-old Scot is the first British person to win a Grand Slam title in 76 years, making him a huge celebrity in his home country where he is known as ‘Braveracket’.

Murray said: “This victory is sweet, but it is nothing compared to the taste of freedom.

“What you have seen here today is just a small example of what a Scot can achieve if he is bold, carries a metal implement and has vengeance in his heart.

“There is one true monarch of Scotland – the rightful king Sean Connery. With the English fled or dismembered and Sean on the throne, we may set about building a strong, free, golf and tennis-based country.”

Murray’s victory was greeted with cries of ‘Freedom!’ from his legions of face-painted Scottish followers – mostly wild-haired men and women clutching emaciated babes – thousands of whom had gathered outside the Arthur Ashe stadium but were refused admission on grounds of having lice.

Andy Murray is a direct descendant of the outlaw tennis player William Murray, who in 1291 offered to beat any English man in straight sets. But although unassailable on the court, William Murray perished when troops set fire to his bothy.

A spokesman for Buckingham Palace said: “This is a great day for British sport. However treason cannot be tolerated, and will be repaid with death.

“Murray can pledge loyalty to the Queen and live out his days as a wealthy Lord with rich lands and many sons, or we’ll have his head on a stick.”

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/spo ... 2091140626

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

hes quite welcome never to visit England again, and he wont mind missing Wimbledon.....

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most

I hope this is a spoof he's worked very hard to achieve what he has but if this is for real then he has destroyed his credibility as a sporting hero right across the world (except scotland)

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

Of course it is a spoof, it is from the daily mash.

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Grandad,

If you can't tell the difference, don't look at this site ffs.

http://www.bbc.scotlandshire.co.uk/

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http://wingsoverscotland.com/ http://www.newsnetscotland.com/

I don't know so much I have heard many a Scot waxing lyrically about the prospect of Sean Connery as their new KING !!!!!

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

Why would we want a king Sean...he's got more time for the good old USA where he stays to avoid taxes than he has for Scotland..stuff him.

Only the small minority of tory voters. Did they invite you to a haggis hunt at the same time?

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http://wingsoverscotland.com/ http://www.newsnetscotland.com/

No need to live abroad to avoid tax nowadays. It's UK government policy

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http://wingsoverscotland.com/ http://www.newsnetscotland.com/