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school runs
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Author:  Stinky Pete [ Thu Sep 01, 2005 2:47 am ]
Post subject:  school runs
Private schools -vs- State Schools




Private schools vs. State Schools

For the unaware, there is a slight difference between private
schools and comprehensive schools in Britain. The Department of
Education has realised this and has revised the secondary Maths
Exam papers accordingly.

Attached are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference.

MATHS TEST FOR STATE SCHOOLS

Name _____________________________

Nickname__________________________

Gang Name________________________

1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt
for 300 quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid, what is the street
value of the rest of his hold?

2. Damon pimps 3 b**ches. If the price is £40 a ride, how many
jobs per day must each bitch perform to support Damon's £500 a day
coke habit?

3. Crackhead wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for
7,000 quid to make a 20% profit. How many grams of Strychnine will
he need?

4. Trev got 6 years for murder. He also got £350,000 for the
hit. If hiscommon law wife spends £33,100 per month, how much money
will be left when he gets out?
Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Trev get for killing
the slapper that spent his money?

5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and
the average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be
sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra
paint free ?


6. Liam steals Jordan's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a
speed of 35mph, Jordan loads his brother's Armalite. If it takes
Jordan 20 seconds
to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled when he gets
whacked?



MATHS TEST FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS


Name________________________________

_____________________________________

_____________________________________

_____________________________________

_____________________________________
(If longer please continue on a separate sheet)


School _______________________________________________

Daddy's/Mummy's Company ____________________________


1. Harry smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of
damage and killing 3 people. The old man asks his local Chief
Constable to intervene in the court system, then forges his
insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between
x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three
dead people. What kind of car is Harry driving now?

2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and
own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer.
In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to
Fiji and Fiona doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or
what?

3. Tristram fancies the arse off a certain number of debutantes,
but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If
he has 14 tablets of Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the
other two thirds?

4. If Verity throws up 4 times a day for a week she can fit into
a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up 3 times a day for two weeks,
she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much does
liposuction cost?

5. Henry is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he
fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum
cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week.
When will he stand for parliament?
Author:  GBC [ Thu Sep 01, 2005 1:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: school runs
Stinky Pete wrote:
1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt
for 300 quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid, what is the street
value of the rest of his hold?




Ollie on drugs? Nah his company justs delivers it.
Author:  Sussex [ Thu Sep 01, 2005 5:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: school runs
greenbadgecabby wrote:
Ollie on drugs? Nah his company justs delivers it.

I've made a good living out of carrying drugs, I suspect I would have earnt a lot more if they didn't have NHS stamped on the boxes. :wink:
Author:  GBC [ Fri Sep 02, 2005 4:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: school runs
Sussex wrote:
greenbadgecabby wrote:
Ollie on drugs? Nah his company justs delivers it.

I've made a good living out of carrying drugs, I suspect I would have earnt a lot more if they didn't have NHS stamped on the boxes. :wink:



Do you get a Blue light for your car? Neh Naw. :)
Author:  Sussex [ Fri Sep 02, 2005 8:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: school runs
greenbadgecabby wrote:
Do you get a Blue light for your car? Neh Naw. :)

Alas not, but I did read in a paper once that if I was on a drugs run (legit NSH one) then I had a defence against a speeding ticket. :shock:

Thus one empty box is always kept in my boot. :roll: :roll:
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