This lot (apart from from number 6 in relation to us) seem fine.
BE AS AWKWARD AS POSSIBLE ON ROADS
Being a daily driver in Derby while working for a public transport company, I have developed a few rules for all those drivers who travel our roads.
1. Wherever you can, park at bus stops. It takes your cars off the road, preventing unnecessary delays for those drivers behind you. It doesn't really matter about the bus-users, who are less mobile, are in wheelchairs, have buggies, etc.
By the way, you should always blame the bus driver who blocks the road by not being able to pull up at its designated stop. Yellow lines? Well it is a pretty colour anyway.
2. When stopping outside schools, always park on zig-zag zones. It's far easier and nearer to the school. After all, does it really matter if a child is injured, or worse still, killed, as long as it's not your own child?
3. When you see a bus, always head straight towards it. It's only a larger vehicle and, of course, should you have a collision, then you will walk away unscathed, probably the driver and passengers will come off worse. You, of course, will be fine.
4. When you, as a pedestrian, see the little red man, always cross the road, do not wait for the green man to signal. After all, there is a high percentage of colour blindness. Then when you are hit with a moving vehicle your defence, or prosecution, can always state, sorry my client is colour blind.
5. When waiting for entry to car parks, especially the Cockpit, always queue until the full sign goes out, causing as much disruption as possible. After all, it's your shopping day and other road-users are at fault for not recognising that you wish to shop.
6. When you see a bus or taxi waiting to come out of a junction, never let them out. Remember you are at war with these vehicles, so keep them waiting.
7. If possible, park half on the kerb, and half on the road, especially on narrow roads. This causes no delay at all - after all you are outside your home shop or office, and it means you do not have to walk.
8. You can totally disregard the law on using your mobile phone while driving. How dare the law-makers say it is dangerous?
9. Whenever someone annoys you, always cut them up. Better still shout abuse at them, it's your bit of road, after all.
10. Whenever you see a larger vehicle, bus, lorry, etc, why not play chicken? You are in a faster vehicle, go for it, it's fun.
11. Especially for the ladies: that mirror, in the middle top of your windscreen, the one that's inside your car, is ideal for ensuring your hair is tidy, or your make-up in place. After all, you never know when that speed camera may take your photo.
12. The White Van Man, yep I am not sexist, every colour, apart from white, should be banned from the road.
13. Well I am not superstitious, but there is no 13, apart from this: driving is an art, an art of courtesy, an art of thinking ahead, an art of sharing our overcrowded roads, without resulting to a war, an art of protecting life, an art of showing consideration to other road- users, including pedestrians. So to all drivers, be patient and calm, arrive at your destination in a relaxed manner.
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