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 Post subject: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 8:14 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
and to lighten the mood whats the best Joke you've heard recently

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 8:34 pm 
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Tesco ready meals.

A little taste of prison right in your own home


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 11:23 pm 
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Location: Edinburgh
Paddy runs into the pub
And shouts to Mick
Someone's stolen your car
Mick asks, Did you see who did it?
Paddy say's, No but I got the registration
Number :oops:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 6:25 am 
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Location: Clandestine, soon to be Russia.
I was at a job interview today, and the interviewer said, "It says on your CV that you are quick at mental arithmetic. What's seventeen times nineteen?"

I immediately said, "Thirty-six."

He said, "That's not even close."

I said, "But it was quick."


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:27 am 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
Dear Grim Reaper,

Last week you took my favourite singer and my favourite actor. Just thought I'd pop you a note to say how much I like Justin Bieber and one direction...............

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 8:57 pm 
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Dear Grim Reaper,

Last week you took my favourite singer and my favourite actor. Just thought I'd pop you a note to say how much I like T T

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 9:36 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
Aw you'd miss him really the stuff he comes out with is so ridiculous it's hillarious !

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 7:07 am 
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MR T wrote:
Dear Grim Reaper,

Last week you took my favourite singer and my favourite actor. Just thought I'd pop you a note to say how much I like T T

When TT gets out of bed in the morning even the Devil says, "oh fuck he's up." :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 11:18 pm 
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Location: Edinburgh
Paddy say's " Mick I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. ''''F-ck that "say's Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Thu Jan 21, 2016 6:47 pm 
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Private Reggie wrote:
Paddy say's " Mick I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. ''''F-ck that "say's Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind & cant get a taxi.

tidied :wink:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Thu Jan 21, 2016 8:01 pm 
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Private Reggie wrote:
Paddy say's " Mick I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. ''''F-ck that "say's Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind and once that happens they won't be able to get a taxi.


Tidier :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Thu Jan 21, 2016 8:07 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
Private Reggie wrote:
Private Reggie wrote:
Paddy say's " Mick I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. ''''F-ck that "say's Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind and once that happens they won't be able to get a taxi.


Tidier :wink:



In the Northeast :badgrin:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2016 5:20 pm 
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A friend had a job interview with a local cab firm ...he was 20 minutes late.....the boss said he had got the job.. :D

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2016 8:27 pm 
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edders23 wrote:
Private Reggie wrote:
Private Reggie wrote:
Paddy say's " Mick I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. ''''F-ck that "say's Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind and once that happens they won't be able to get a taxi.


Tidier :wink:



In the Northeast :badgrin:

:lol: :lol: :wink:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2016 9:27 pm 
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Location: Edinburgh
Mick and Paddy were fishing on the Irish shoreline when Mick pulled out a cigar.

Finding he had No matches, he asked Paddy for a light.

‘Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter,’ Paddy replied and then reaching into his tackle

box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

‘My God, man!’ exclaimed Mick, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. ‘Where’d yew git dat monster?’

‘Well,’ replied Paddy, ‘I got it from my Genie.’

‘You haff a fackin Genie?’ Mick asked.

‘Ya, sure. It’s right here in my tackle box,’ says Paddy.

‘Could I see him?’

Paddy opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the Genie, Mick says, ‘Hey dere! I’m a good pal of your master.

Will you grant me one wish?’

‘Yes, I will,’ says the Genie.

So Mick asks the Genie for a million bucks.

The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Mick sitting there waiting for his million bucks.

Shortly, the Irish sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying directly overhead.

Over the roar of the one million ducks Mick yells at Paddy, ‘What the hell? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!’

Paddy answers, ‘Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hard of hearing.

Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?’

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 25, 2016 10:46 pm 
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Location: Edinburgh
Paddy say's to Mick
"I robbed a shop last night,
Got a load of pictures, cheapest one was worth £180k". :shock:

Mick say's to Paddy " you've robbed a feckin estate agent's
Ya stupid barsteward".

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 8:06 pm 
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Location: A City near Birmingham
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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 8:08 pm 
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Location: A City near Birmingham
I was stood behind a little old lady at a cashpoint when she turned and asked if i could check her balance


so i pushed her over


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 8:09 pm 
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Location: A City near Birmingham
5am my phone rang, it was my neighbour


"any chance you could give me a push"


i got dressed and went round to find him sitting on the garden swing

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 8:26 pm 
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Location: A City near Birmingham
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