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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:04 pm 
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My mate phoned up BT the other day " I want to report a nuisance caller" he said

" Not you again" came the reply

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:09 pm 
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A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week so he did same tricks over and over.

The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

He started shouting in the middle of the show: 'Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?' The magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he could do nothing. Then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot.

They glared at each other but said nothing. Finally, after a week, the parrot said: 'OK, I give up. Where's the boat?'

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 3:38 pm 
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Location: A City near Birmingham
edders23 wrote:
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week so he did same tricks over and over.

The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

He started shouting in the middle of the show: 'Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?' The magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he could do nothing. Then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot.

They glared at each other but said nothing. Finally, after a week, the parrot said: 'OK, I give up. Where's the boat?'


God Bless Les Dawson

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2019 7:01 pm 
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Location: A City near Birmingham
Jurgen Klopp flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi boy play football. Kloppy is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left, Klopp gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the lad comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.'

'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten up and now your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.'

The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry..'

'Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' screams his mum, 'it's your fleckking fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!'

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2019 9:51 pm 
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Wanna, that’s older than you (and that’s OLD!) =;


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2019 11:47 am 
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x-ray wrote:
Wanna, that’s older than you (and that’s OLD!) =;


what is they say about the old ones?

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 21, 2019 7:59 pm 
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What do you call a fay French man......................................















................a faguette #-o

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 12:53 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
A Politician is visiting a village on rural England. He walks around the village chatting with various villagers about rural life.

"If there is anything i can do for you, please just ask" he tells the villagers at a public meeting in the village hall.

"Well Sir, we have two issues locally. Firstly, we have a lovely local hospital, but no money for a full time doctor." A Villager tells him.

"No problem!" The politician replies. He whips out his mobile phone, dials a number and starts talking. He hangs up and turns to the crowd.

"I have guaranteed funding for a Full Time Doctor, just moments ago. You could have one in place by next week" the Politician announces, "What was the other issue?"

"What are your plans regarding the lack of Mobile Phone coverage in the area?" The Villager enquires...

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