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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2021 5:14 pm 
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edders23 wrote:
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By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Qantas_fatal_accidents

so these 14 must be imaginary then :wink: :lol:

Must be referring to the jet era :wink: . I blame Dustin Hoffman.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2021 5:43 pm 
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edders23 wrote:
Quote:
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Qantas_fatal_accidents

so these 14 must be imaginary then :wink: :lol:



Bit too soon to be funny?

The never had a major accident quote is by Dustin Hoffman in Rainman.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2021 9:18 pm 
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speaking of which did you know that Dustin Hoffman was asked to play Trump in the forthcoming movie about his presidency

But he turned it down because he said he wasn't senile enough to carry it off :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2021 2:40 pm 
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Good job lockdown is over

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2021 2:42 pm 
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edders23 wrote:
Quote:
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Qantas_fatal_accidents

so these 14 must be imaginary then :wink: :lol:


Nothing since 1951 then, some of those were fecking biplanes

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2021 6:24 pm 
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wannabeeahack wrote:
edders23 wrote:
Quote:
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Qantas_fatal_accidents

so these 14 must be imaginary then :wink: :lol:


Nothing since 1951 then, some of those were fecking biplanes



they've had a few close calls though but the quote in Rainman was scriptwriters licence :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2021 10:37 am 
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So auld Bertie goes to visit his doctor about how painful it is when he goes to the toilet.
His wife, Lizzie, goes with him because Bertie is hard of hearing.
After an examination, the Doctor says to Bertie, "Right, I'll need you to leave a urine, semen, and faeces sample for analysis."
Auld Bertie has not quite heard the Doctor and turns to Lizzie and says,, "What did the Doctor say?"
Lizzie looks at him and replies, "He wants you to leave your underpants here, dear."
I'll get my coat....

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2021 12:40 pm 
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Jake and Larry are out shooting duck in New England countryside

Larry gets lucky first shot and bags one but it falls onto the roof of a nearby barn. SO he decides to climb over the fence and retrieve it as he does a big burley farmer comes out and shouts at him

"scuse me fella,but where do ya think your going"
Larry " I want to get my duck I've just shot"
Farmer "well it looks to me as it's fallen on my property so I think it's mine"
Larry " I shot it"
farmer " why don't we settle this country style"
Larry " how do ya do that"
Farmer " well we take turns to kick each other in the bollox and last man standing keeps the duck, I'll go first)

So the farmer gives larry a big hard kick in the groin and Larry hits the ground screaming in agony. After 10 minutes he drags himself to his feet

"right" he says "MY turn"

"Nah " says the farmer "you can keep the duck"

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2021 11:03 am 
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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2021 10:12 am 
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This is just priceless.

https://twitter.com/graemedouglas/statu ... usjeg&s=08

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2021 4:42 pm 
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Sussex wrote:



didn't you know Homer used to always have coffee and donuts when he was writing the odyssey :lol:

At least he didn't say rice pudding :D

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