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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 3:29 pm 
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A German got pulled over by the police in France.
Police officer: "Name?"
German: "Heinrich Klimt"
Police officer: "Age?"
German: "31"
Police officer: "occupation?"
German: "No, no. Just visiting" :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 3:31 pm 
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What's the most sensitive part of your body when knocking one out ?

Your ears...


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 3:35 pm 
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I have just been ripped off by a Chinese fella at the market,
This pan he sold me doesn't fly at all, the robbing basdid :?


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 3:40 pm 
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How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Tape a piece of bread to the ceiling :lol: :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 8:54 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
An old couple is asked by a reporter:
"You've been married 60 years. How is it that you led such a harmonious marriage all these years? "
The husband takes his wife's hand tenderly and says softly:
"It all started on our honeymoon! We were traveling with mules to Niagara Falls, when my wife's animal stumbled!
In the last second, my wife managed to keep herself on the animal without plunging into the abyss, and she muttered only 'one'.
A few miles later, the animal stuttered a second time, my wife could prevent the fall into the depths this time again only in the last second and murmured only, two '.
It came as it had to come, the animal stumbled a third time.
Again, my wife could only with great difficulty prevent the fall into the depths.
This time she said loudly, Three, rose from her mule, pulled a .45 Magnum from her backpack and shot the beast!
As I expressed my displeasure and objection to her behaviour towards the animal, my wife looked at me and murmured softly, one.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2017 10:40 am 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "..

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2017 1:21 pm 
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A very sad day today. After 7 yrs of medical training & hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 6:30 pm 
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What's wrong with eating at midnight ?
It's just food at the end of the day !


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 6:45 pm 
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I shagged my best mate's wife last night and now I feel terrible :cry:
She must have given me a cold or something


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 6:48 pm 
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My doctor told me I'm schizophrenic, but we don't think so


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 6:52 pm 
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Cadbury have announced they are set to sponsor the premier league next season, assigning each team a product in the process.
Liverpool will be Turkish Delight as nobody likes them, Chelsea will be Freddo's as they continue to become more and more expensive, and Arsenal will be Cream eggs, as you don't see them after Easter :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 6:58 pm 
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I reported a dead woman to the police yesterday.
"How did you find her"? they asked.

I replied "Her tits were OK, but rigormortis had made her minge and ass too tight for my liking"!


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2017 10:41 am 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
ven2112 wrote:
Cadbury have announced they are set to sponsor the premier league next season, assigning each team a product in the process.
Liverpool will be Turkish Delight as nobody likes them, Chelsea will be Freddo's as they continue to become more and more expensive, and Arsenal will be Cream eggs, as you don't see them after Easter :lol: :lol:



let me guess Sunderland are fruit and nut cases :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2017 12:31 pm 
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Location: A City near Birmingham
ven2112 wrote:
I reported a dead woman to the police yesterday.
"How did you find her"? they asked.

I replied "Her tits were OK, but rigormortis had made her minge and ass too tight for my liking"!



My mate told me he had found a womans body by the side of the rail tracks, he took her home and kept her in the freezer

He takes her out and has sex with her on occasion

i said "does she give good head?"

he replied...."dunno, didnt find her head"

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2017 6:55 pm 
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wannabeeahack wrote:
ven2112 wrote:
I reported a dead woman to the police yesterday.
"How did you find her"? they asked.

I replied "Her tits were OK, but rigormortis had made her minge and ass too tight for my liking"!



My mate told me he had found a womans body by the side of the rail tracks, he took her home and kept her in the freezer

He takes her out and has sex with her on occasion

i said "does she give good head?"

he replied...."dunno, didnt find her head"

:lol: :lol: :lol: =D>


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