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ven2112
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 28, 2017 3:51 pm 
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edders23 wrote:
ven2112 wrote:
Cadbury have announced they are set to sponsor the premier league next season, assigning each team a product in the process.
Liverpool will be Turkish Delight as nobody likes them, Chelsea will be Freddo's as they continue to become more and more expensive, and Arsenal will be Cream eggs, as you don't see them after Easter :lol: :lol:



let me guess Sunderland are fruit and nut cases :lol:


cant find one to describe them useless fookers mate :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :evil:
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ven2112
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 05, 2017 5:47 pm 
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The Liverpool team visited an orphanage today. “It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,” said Bradley aged 6
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ven2112
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 05, 2017 5:49 pm 
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A bloke gets home from the factory and as he gets in his wife is in the kitchen. The house is spotless and the kids are clean and tidy sat watching the TV. Even the dog has had a bath. His wife calls from the kitchen, "Tea will only be five minutes, I am waiting for the pies in the microwave, and the chips."

"fook me," he replied, "is facebook down or something?"
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ven2112
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 05, 2017 5:52 pm 
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Pray for my Mother-in-law. She's been taken to hospital as a bee landed on her face

Luckily she wasn't stung, I was too quick with the spade
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ven2112
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 05, 2017 5:55 pm 
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had a fare last night when this absolutely gorgeous woman came into the cab , I couldn't keep my eyes off her.
She looked at me and said "What are you looking at"?

I said "Six to eight years, depending on how much you struggle"!
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ven2112
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 05, 2017 6:00 pm 
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I asked the chemist for some viagra
"You can only get viagra if you can prove you need it" he replied
"well ,Will this picture of my wife do?
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ven2112
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 05, 2017 6:02 pm 
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Liverpool.

Where family trees don't branch :lol:
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wannabeeahack
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2017 9:31 pm 
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Location: Twixt Heaven and Hell, but nearest Hell
My mate was having a doggy with a married woman, she was bent over the kitchen table when she heard a car pull up and keys go in the door....

Her husband was a big nasty bloke


"Quick she panted, use the back door"


Well, you dont turn a lady down, ok he got a pasting off hubby but it was worth it

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most
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edders23
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2017 7:10 am 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
The Sunderland team visited an orphanage today. “It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,” said Ant aged 7

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Join the campaign to get April fools jokes banned for 364 days a year !
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sasha
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:33 pm 
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I'd like to take the band ABBA for lunch. And if I could I would, my friend - For Nandos.
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sasha
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:34 pm 
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Soon be pancake day, that crepe'd up on us fast !
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ven2112
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:53 pm 
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My optician told me today that I'm colour blind...... That came right out of the orange!
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ven2112
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:54 pm 
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UBER.

Usually Black Ethnic Rapist. :lol: :lol:
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ven2112
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:55 pm 
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The wife said she wanted to feel special on Valentines Day

So i got her a helmet and some crayons :lol:
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ven2112
 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:57 pm 
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I just booked a table for valentines night . I fooking hope she likes snooker :wink:
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