Taxi Driver Online

I'm having an African themed party tonight, no food and the drinks are 12 fooking miles away

"Daddy what is a transvestite?" "Ask ya mam, he knows."

Just got kicked out of an ISIS terrorist training camp!
when asked "who are you going to target?" "Paedos and rapists" wasn't the right answer.

I sold my sons bike to feed my family. Her parents weren't to happy.

My lass has always said that there is nothing more painful than childbirth.
Clearly never trodden on a plug in the middle of the night then!

can ya tell im bored ?

ACE

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All posts by this contributor are made in a strictly personal capacity

I AM PROUD TO BE A CITIZEN NOBODY'S SUBJECT http://www.republic.org.u

F88K EM ALL WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND

BOOZE BOOZE BOOZE

I didn't believe my friends when they told me my Dad was stealing from his job working as a road mender.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Why are there no Muslims in Star Trek? Because it's set in the future!

voted funniest joke at the edinburgh fringe

"My dad suggested I register for a donor card, he's a man after my own heart."

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Taxis Are Public Transport too

Join the campaign to get April fools jokes banned for 364 days a year !

If that was the best, I'm glad I didn't go.

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Grandad,
To support my charity text MAYORWALK to 70085 to donate £5

I felt the same way. Having said that I suppose that the delivery and general feel and atmosphere at the time........should make it come across (shall we say) funny

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if you cannot be yourself, then who can you be.

It is the sort of joke that Tim Vine would do.

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Grandad,
To support my charity text MAYORWALK to 70085 to donate £5

At a prison concert a guest comedian was watching a prisoner doing a comedy act and the guy was on stage..


he says..

22.....roars of laughter

56.....hysterical laughter with tears for many

79.....audience rolling about on the foor


he comes off stage and the visiting guest comedian asks "what was that all about?" to which the guy replied "well we arr lifers and weve heard all the jokes so many times we just use a reference number to save time"

the guest star comedian thinks "ill have some of that" so on he goes...


15.........nothing

37.........stony silence

66.........you could hear a pin drop

so he comes off and says to the prisoner comedian "what was wrong, were the joke i picked not good?"

the guy replied "no, great jokes but.....ITS HOW YOU TELL EM"

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most