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UK cab trade debate and advice
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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 25, 2016 10:46 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 15, 2010 8:38 pm
Posts: 1954
Location: Edinburgh
Paddy say's to Mick
"I robbed a shop last night,
Got a load of pictures, cheapest one was worth £180k". :shock:

Mick say's to Paddy " you've robbed a feckin estate agent's
Ya stupid barsteward".

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 8:06 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:06 pm
Posts: 22120
Location: A City near Birmingham
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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 8:08 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:06 pm
Posts: 22120
Location: A City near Birmingham
I was stood behind a little old lady at a cashpoint when she turned and asked if i could check her balance


so i pushed her over


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 8:09 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:06 pm
Posts: 22120
Location: A City near Birmingham
5am my phone rang, it was my neighbour


"any chance you could give me a push"


i got dressed and went round to find him sitting on the garden swing

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 8:26 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:06 pm
Posts: 22120
Location: A City near Birmingham
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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2016 5:39 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 29, 2012 11:47 pm
Posts: 261
Location: Edinburgh
The missus told me I was being stupid and mad building a car out of spaghetti.
You should've seen her face when I drove past'a :D


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:54 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:04 am
Posts: 2555
"Can I have a pack of condoms?" I asked the pharmacist,
"A small box?" he asked,
"I fooking hope so!" I replied.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:56 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:04 am
Posts: 2555
Islam.

Where you burn infidel technology like televisions,film it on your camera phone and then post it online.

Now that's a special kind of fooking stupid?


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:58 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:04 am
Posts: 2555
My old Mum used to say, "Always give your food a rinse before you eat it."

Lovely woman, terrible sandwiches.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2016 7:06 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:04 am
Posts: 2555
I really hate being a depressed atheist.
Nothing to fooking live for, nothing to fooking die for.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2016 7:12 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:04 am
Posts: 2555
The wife's insisting I quit my job, because she thinks it's cruel & she is a veggie , we've started testing our new products on rabbits, well i suppose she has a point the misrable cow, I work in a hammer factory.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2016 7:14 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:04 am
Posts: 2555
well, It's winter again.
That time of year when the poor are making tough choices between food, heating, or getting that massive new tattoo.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2016 7:17 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:04 am
Posts: 2555
Massive US blizzard advancing north.

African American community complains about exclusion of black snowflakes.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 31, 2016 9:43 am 
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Joined: Sat Apr 01, 2006 11:47 pm
Posts: 12942
Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
I hate to say it mate but I don't think you'll make it as a stand up !

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Join the campaign to get April fools jokes banned for 364 days a year !


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 31, 2016 10:10 am 
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Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2011 8:45 am
Posts: 9826
Location: Clandestine, soon to be Russia.
Goal Keepers

I've found how you can improve your reaction times and catching skills by 100%.

Simply stand at the end of the checkout at Aldi.


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