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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 10:20 pm 
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Posts: 17855
edders23 wrote:
Has anyone got their Christmas tree up yet?

I have...

It is up in the loft where it belongs for the next six weeks :lol:

There are 12 days of Christmas and not one of them is in fooking November!

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 5:37 pm 
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edders23 wrote:
wannabeeahack wrote:
edders23 wrote:
jokes only please in this thread if you don't mind :D


is that why your here? :badgrin: :badgrin: :badgrin: :badgrin: :badgrin: :badgrin:



Mine are actually funny :D

:shock:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2016 4:48 pm 
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My daughter always dreamed of getting married when she was a little girl.

So we converted to Islam.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2016 4:49 pm 
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I can't see me and my new girlfriend lasting very long as we're just too different. She's more of a morning person, while I like to rope her sister.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2016 4:52 pm 
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Tampax have just bought out a tampon with tinsel & bells on it.
Just for the Christmas period. :wink:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2016 5:05 pm 
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When Kurt Cobain was young his mother told him not to play with guns.

But it went in one ear and out the other.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:34 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 6:35 pm
Posts: 1812
Citroen have just brought out a new car called the 'OXO'. It's like the SAXO but made for stock car racing.

People say I'm in love with my rear view mirror, but we appear closer than we actually are.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:39 pm 
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sasha wrote:
Citroen have just brought out a new car called the 'OXO'. It's like the SAXO but made for stock car racing.

People say I'm in love with my rear view mirror, but we appear closer than we actually are.


keep up at the back mate :roll:

4 months ago ffs :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 30, 2016 4:50 pm 
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Interviewer: "What's your greatest weakness?"
Me: "Honesty."
Interviewer: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."
Me: "I don't give a flying fook what you think".


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 30, 2016 4:56 pm 
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This maths test can predict your favourite film. Not sure how it works but it does. Mine was jaws.
DON'T PEEP!

Pick a number between 1 and 9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3 to that number.

Multiply by 3 again.

Add the 2 digits together.

Now discover your favourite film!

3. Oliver Twist.

4. Star Wars.

5. Forrest Gump.

6. Saving Private Ryan.

7. Jaws.

8. Grease.

9. The Joy of Oiled-Up Lady Boys.

10. Mary Poppins.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 30, 2016 5:01 pm 
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just been banned from the Psychiatrists

Psychiatrist : "So, what seems to be your problem?"
me:" I have a hard time making friends, you fooking stupid useless basdid !"


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 02, 2016 6:31 am 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
I was in the record shop last week. I asked the assistant, "Where do you keep your RUN DMC albums?"

She replied "Walk this way!"

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 02, 2016 6:35 am 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
When I heard you can be a Sperm donor by post.....

I came in a Jiffy.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2016 11:15 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 3:06 pm
Posts: 22160
Location: A City near Birmingham
Image

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2016 11:20 pm 
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Location: A City near Birmingham
edders23 wrote:
When I heard you can be a Sperm donor by post.....

I came in a Jiffy.


Chap went to donate blood, being the USA he got $20

being skint he went round again..........$20

so....he went again...........................got told he had given enough in 1 week

but he saw a sign for sperm donors.......$50

thinks yayyyy, knock one out $50

so he got in the queue

he was almost at the door when he realised a woman was stood behind him in the queue

he turned and said "miss, you know this is for sperm donors?"

she just nodded her head up and down



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