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| New Jokes thread http://www.taxi-driver.co.uk/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=28380 |
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| Author: | grandad [ Wed Nov 16, 2016 11:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
edders23 wrote: Has anyone got their Christmas tree up yet? I have... It is up in the loft where it belongs for the next six weeks  There are 12 days of Christmas and not one of them is in fooking November! |
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Thu Nov 17, 2016 6:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
edders23 wrote: wannabeeahack wrote: edders23 wrote: jokes only please in this thread if you don't mind  is that why your here?  Mine are actually funny 
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Sun Nov 27, 2016 5:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
My daughter always dreamed of getting married when she was a little girl. So we converted to Islam. |
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Sun Nov 27, 2016 5:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
I can't see me and my new girlfriend lasting very long as we're just too different. She's more of a morning person, while I like to rope her sister. |
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Sun Nov 27, 2016 5:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
Tampax have just bought out a tampon with tinsel & bells on it. Just for the Christmas period. 
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Sun Nov 27, 2016 6:05 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
When Kurt Cobain was young his mother told him not to play with guns. But it went in one ear and out the other. |
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| Author: | sasha [ Tue Nov 29, 2016 7:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
Citroen have just brought out a new car called the 'OXO'. It's like the SAXO but made for stock car racing. People say I'm in love with my rear view mirror, but we appear closer than we actually are. |
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Tue Nov 29, 2016 7:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
sasha wrote: Citroen have just brought out a new car called the 'OXO'. It's like the SAXO but made for stock car racing. People say I'm in love with my rear view mirror, but we appear closer than we actually are. keep up at the back mate  4 months ago ffs
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Wed Nov 30, 2016 5:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
Interviewer: "What's your greatest weakness?" Me: "Honesty." Interviewer: "I don't think honesty is a weakness." Me: "I don't give a flying fook what you think". |
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Wed Nov 30, 2016 5:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
This maths test can predict your favourite film. Not sure how it works but it does. Mine was jaws. DON'T PEEP! Pick a number between 1 and 9. Multiply by 3. Add 3 to that number. Multiply by 3 again. Add the 2 digits together. Now discover your favourite film! 3. Oliver Twist. 4. Star Wars. 5. Forrest Gump. 6. Saving Private Ryan. 7. Jaws. 8. Grease. 9. The Joy of Oiled-Up Lady Boys. 10. Mary Poppins. |
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Wed Nov 30, 2016 6:01 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
just been banned from the Psychiatrists Psychiatrist : "So, what seems to be your problem?" me:" I have a hard time making friends, you fooking stupid useless basdid !" |
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| Author: | edders23 [ Fri Dec 02, 2016 7:31 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
I was in the record shop last week. I asked the assistant, "Where do you keep your RUN DMC albums?" She replied "Walk this way!" |
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| Author: | edders23 [ Fri Dec 02, 2016 7:35 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
When I heard you can be a Sperm donor by post..... I came in a Jiffy. |
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| Author: | wannabeeahack [ Sun Dec 04, 2016 12:15 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
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| Author: | wannabeeahack [ Sun Dec 04, 2016 12:20 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
edders23 wrote: When I heard you can be a Sperm donor by post..... I came in a Jiffy. Chap went to donate blood, being the USA he got $20 being skint he went round again..........$20 so....he went again...........................got told he had given enough in 1 week but he saw a sign for sperm donors.......$50 thinks yayyyy, knock one out $50 so he got in the queue he was almost at the door when he realised a woman was stood behind him in the queue he turned and said "miss, you know this is for sperm donors?" she just nodded her head up and down 
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