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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2016 7:38 pm 
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edders23 wrote:
too long for ven but the rest of you might enjoy it :lol:


A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are p****d off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."
Otep


i liked it mate & read it :lol: :lol: =D>


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2016 11:19 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
A man drove his Trabant to the workshop, went to the mechanic and says: "Hello, I would like to have 2 new windshield wipers for my car."
The mechanic looks at the Trabbi from the front and from behind and finally says, "OK, that's a fair exchange."

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2016 11:33 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
Two Glesga (Glasgow) housewives are chatting over the fence. "My Sister in law has one of them new washing machines, but it's faulty. She loaded it with dirty washing, closed the lid and pulled the chain. She hasn't seen the washing since......"

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:04 am 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
Two swanky London types decide to open a new boutique in Wigan.
They get all the shelves in, the counters fitted, the till, telephone and so on. Opening day looms and they take down all the paper that had been obscuring the shop front windows.
There is a little old Wiganner looking in so they decide to have a little fun by showing off.
They let him in and show off all the fittings.
Not impressed, he says "And, what's thee selling ere then?"
Winking at his colleague, one of the suits says "asreholes"!
The old feller retorts "Tha's doing rayt well then, tha's only gert two left!"

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2017 3:33 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
In heaven the Italians are responsible for the kitchen, the Germans for technology and the English for the sense of humor.
In hell the Italians are responsible for technology, the English for the kitchen and the Germans for humor.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:04 pm 
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Uber vetting ;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlYgQgQhvp4


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 2:24 pm 
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sasha wrote:



Thats fooking brilliant that mate :lol: :lol: :lol: love family guy me like :lol: sent my old man this clip when he had kidney stones , said dont worry man, loads of famous people have had them :lol: wasn't amused mind, he was in agony at the time though :lol: :lol:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7Ghu_wzHcg


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2017 11:53 am 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR dick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut it."

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2017 6:38 pm 
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"Your Majesty, what's the secret to a long life?"

"Well Kate, don't leave William for a fooking Muslim. "


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2017 6:55 pm 
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ven2112 wrote:
"Your Majesty, what's the secret to a long life?"

"Well Kate, don't leave William for a fooking Muslim. "

Ouch!

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2017 2:04 pm 
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grandad wrote:
ven2112 wrote:
"Your Majesty, what's the secret to a long life?"

"Well Kate, don't leave William for a fooking Muslim. "

Ouch!


:badgrin: :wink:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2017 3:32 pm 
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My mate's missus has just left him and she's taken the satellite dish and all the Bob Marley CDs. Poor fella...

No woman, no Sky, :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2017 3:42 pm 
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wor lass was trying to be sexy last night.
She lay on the bed licking a lollipop then she slowly started to slide it in her minge
"Steady on love" I said "You're going to need that when you cross the kids over the road for school in the morning :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2017 8:47 pm 
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Bunch of naturists are having a get together next week.
I might go if I've nothing on.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 11, 2017 6:18 pm 
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"Did you know that making a girl laugh is the second best way to get a girl into bed?" I said to my date.

"Really?" she asked. "What's the first?"

"A big fook off knife!" I replied.

"Ha-ha, you're funny," she said.

"Well done, you've made a sensible choice."


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