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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2018 6:47 am 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
x-ray wrote:
I’m setting up a dating website for chickens, I’ve got to do something to make “ hens” meet. #-o



groan

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2018 1:20 pm 
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I’ve been thinking about joining a new dating agency that’s just opened up around here, “screw fix!”


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2018 1:22 pm 
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Have heard about the shoplifter stealing T-shirts in order of size ? Police say he’s still at large.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2018 5:59 pm 
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Location: 1066 Country
A Russian Spy an IRA Supporter and a racist walks into a pub, "What are you drinking Mr Corbyn" asks the barman.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2018 8:39 pm 
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I’m reading a book at the moment in braille, it’s a horror story.

Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.....

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2018 8:40 pm 
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what do you say after a british gas engineer has messed up the repair on your boiler..............




.........wilburrrrr !!

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2018 4:52 pm 
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Location: A City near Birmingham
England are at 12/1 for the world cup


for those who dont understand betting odds that means..

you bet £10 at 12 to 1

and you will lose £10

:badgrin: :badgrin: :badgrin: :badgrin: :badgrin:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2018 5:12 pm 
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wannabeeahack wrote:
England are at 12/1 for the world cup


for those who dont understand betting odds that means..

you bet £10 at 12 to 1

and you will lose £10

:badgrin: :badgrin: :badgrin: :badgrin: :badgrin:


and I believe you can get odds of 1000 to 1 on Scotland to win the world cup 2050 which is the next time they are predicted to qualify

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2018 5:40 pm 
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What do you call an uber car in wolverhampton..........................












.................................Lost !

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2018 9:27 am 
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An ancient scottish Joke for a scotch brethren

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed man in his late fifties.

May I help you sir?" she asked.

The man replied, "I want to see Nara."

"Sir, Nara is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam.

He replied, "No, I must see Nara."

Just then, the gorgeous Nara appeared and announced to the man that she charged £5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Nara, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Nara. Nara explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. "There are no discounts. The price is still £5,000." Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to her, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Nara and they went upstairs. After their session, she said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row". Where are you from?"

The man replied "Inverness"

"Really," she said. "I have family in Inverness"

"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your £15,000 inheritance."


The moral of this story is that three things in life are certain:

1. Death

2. Taxes; and

3. Being screwed by a lawyer

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2018 9:29 pm 
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an ex London mayor, An Islamaphobe and an anti-Zionist walk into a bar

barman asks what can I get you mr livingstone

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 7:54 am 
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Dear William and Kate,
Congratulations on the birth of your new baby boy.
If you're interested I have a cot which my son doesn't need anymore.

Yours truly

Verney Troyers mom

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:11 pm 
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Location: A City near Birmingham
Wealthy old guy books an appointment with his BUPA hospital, he turns with his stunning busty leggy blonde female PA...


Doctor says "whats the problem?"


Guy says " i can get it up or ejaculate, watch..."

His PA lays back on the doctors examining table and the old boy gives her 30 minutes hard rogering and a popshot..."

he says "cant understand that, ill book in again next week"

next week same thing, same result

week after again, then the doctor says "sir, whats going on, your humping her like bloody rabbit.............."


guy says, "yeah, i know but to be honest, your half the price of a room at The Hilton for the afternoon and i claim your fees back off the insurance....."

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2018 7:34 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
Jimmy is sitting at the kitchen table at 8.30am as his wife prepares his breakfast. Out of the blue his wife collapses in a heap on the floor. Jimmy panics, "What do i do" he thinks to himself.

Then he remembered, Tesco serve breakfast until 9.30am......

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2018 7:58 pm 
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what do you get if you cross the Russian mafia with the yakuza at the casino ?











death in paradise

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