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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 4:12 pm 
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Police in Russia have arrested 68 Iranian, 24 Nigerian, 38 Polish, and 8 Senegalese football hooligans, they’ve ordered them to be sent home immediately, they’re expected to land at Heathrow in the next hour.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 8:35 pm 
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Sussex wrote:
Police in Russia have arrested 68 Iranian, 24 Nigerian, 38 Polish, and 8 Senegalese football hooligans, they’ve ordered them to be sent home immediately, they’re expected to land at Heathrow in the next hour.



and unfortunately they all landed without the correct visas and got sent back to russia :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 8:35 pm 
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edders23 wrote:
Sussex wrote:
Police in Russia have arrested 68 Iranian, 24 Nigerian, 38 Polish, and 8 Senegalese football hooligans, they’ve ordered them to be sent home immediately, they’re expected to land at Heathrow in the next hour.



and unfortunately they all landed without the correct visas and got sent back to russia :lol:



well in Nidges dreams they did :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 11:35 pm 
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I bet the Nigerians won't stop in Russia?


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2018 4:47 pm 
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breaking news after his performance against Costa Rica Neymar has been picked for the Brazilian diving team for the next olympics

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2018 2:05 pm 
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Nidge2 wrote:
I bet the Nigerians won't stop in Russia?


arthur scargill didnt

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2018 12:05 pm 
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wannabeeahack wrote:
Nidge2 wrote:
I bet the Nigerians won't stop in Russia?


arthur scargill didnt


whats the difference between Arthur Scargill and the Emperor Nero

Nero knew what he was doing :-"

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2018 8:42 pm 
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This may be of interest to someone. A friend of mine has 2 tickets in a corporate box for the next England v Belgium game Thur 28th June. He paid £300 each including flights but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding! If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.

It's at Cleethorpes Registry Office, at 4pm. The bride's name is Nicola -- she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook. Pm for more details.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2018 1:23 pm 
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So this Engineer dies, gets to the pearly gates, and St Peter says, “mmm, can’t find you on our list, first door on the left, follow the staircase”

So he goes down, and down and down, and DOWN, until he gets to the other place (no, not the House of Lords), and Joe Satan’s sitting on a rock, and says, “hi, who are you?”, so our Engineer introduces himself, very formally, with full letters and honours. “Engineer, eh? What can you do?”

“Pretty much anything, given time, labour & materials”

“Well, it’s damn hot down here, you’ve got infinity, and a lot of labour, see what you can do”

So, a while later, Hell has air conditioning.

“Good job. What’s next?”, so the Engineer says, “well, it would be nice to be able to wash my hands, I’ll sort out some running water”. “OK,” says Satan.

And it’s done, and life is becoming comfortable, when the phone goes.

“Yes?”

“There’s been a mistake, you’ve got one of ours, an Engineer”

“I’m keeping him, he’s too useful to let you have him”

“Send him up, or I’ll sue”

“Where are you going to get a lawyer?”

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2018 6:45 am 
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Just been to the post office and was told to remove my crash helmet for security reasons. I was fuming. So I went back wearing a burka to prove a point.

Fifteen grand I got away with after the pensioners stopped trying to post letters in me.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2018 6:46 am 
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Pity the Seattle airline mechanic decided to crash the stolen plane.

Ryanair were all set to give him a contract.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:10 pm 
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Apparently, in the early 80’s sooty was implicated in a jewellery heist, they reckon Harry Corbett had a hand in it as well!


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:12 pm 
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There are no trains coming into Chester Station at the moment, a trampoline has blew onto the tracks. They have had to cancel four trains on the bounce :badgrin:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 8:13 pm 
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x-ray wrote:
There are no trains coming into Chester Station at the moment, a trampoline has blew onto the tracks. They have had to cancel four trains on the bounce :badgrin:

Oh FFS :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2018 6:28 am 
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Donald Trump decided to hold a big party for all his friends for his birthday

The room was a bit big but he and Vladimir Putin had a great time

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