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New Jokes thread
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Author:  edders23 [ Mon Jan 18, 2016 8:14 pm ]
Post subject:  New Jokes thread

and to lighten the mood whats the best Joke you've heard recently

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.

Author:  ven2112 [ Mon Jan 18, 2016 8:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

Tesco ready meals.

A little taste of prison right in your own home

Author:  Private Reggie [ Mon Jan 18, 2016 11:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

Paddy runs into the pub
And shouts to Mick
Someone's stolen your car
Mick asks, Did you see who did it?
Paddy say's, No but I got the registration
Number :oops:

Author:  Nidge2 [ Tue Jan 19, 2016 6:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

I was at a job interview today, and the interviewer said, "It says on your CV that you are quick at mental arithmetic. What's seventeen times nineteen?"

I immediately said, "Thirty-six."

He said, "That's not even close."

I said, "But it was quick."

Author:  edders23 [ Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

Dear Grim Reaper,

Last week you took my favourite singer and my favourite actor. Just thought I'd pop you a note to say how much I like Justin Bieber and one direction...............

Author:  MR T [ Tue Jan 19, 2016 8:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

Dear Grim Reaper,

Last week you took my favourite singer and my favourite actor. Just thought I'd pop you a note to say how much I like T T

Author:  edders23 [ Tue Jan 19, 2016 9:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

Aw you'd miss him really the stuff he comes out with is so ridiculous it's hillarious !

Author:  Nidge2 [ Wed Jan 20, 2016 7:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

MR T wrote:
Dear Grim Reaper,

Last week you took my favourite singer and my favourite actor. Just thought I'd pop you a note to say how much I like T T

When TT gets out of bed in the morning even the Devil says, "oh fuck he's up." :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Author:  Private Reggie [ Wed Jan 20, 2016 11:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

Paddy say's " Mick I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. ''''F-ck that "say's Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind.

Author:  ven2112 [ Thu Jan 21, 2016 6:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

Private Reggie wrote:
Paddy say's " Mick I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. ''''F-ck that "say's Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind & cant get a taxi.

tidied :wink:

Author:  Private Reggie [ Thu Jan 21, 2016 8:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

Private Reggie wrote:
Paddy say's " Mick I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. ''''F-ck that "say's Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind and once that happens they won't be able to get a taxi.


Tidier :wink:

Author:  edders23 [ Thu Jan 21, 2016 8:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

Private Reggie wrote:
Private Reggie wrote:
Paddy say's " Mick I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. ''''F-ck that "say's Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind and once that happens they won't be able to get a taxi.


Tidier :wink:



In the Northeast :badgrin:

Author:  MR T [ Fri Jan 22, 2016 5:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

A friend had a job interview with a local cab firm ...he was 20 minutes late.....the boss said he had got the job.. :D

Author:  ven2112 [ Fri Jan 22, 2016 8:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

edders23 wrote:
Private Reggie wrote:
Private Reggie wrote:
Paddy say's " Mick I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. ''''F-ck that "say's Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind and once that happens they won't be able to get a taxi.


Tidier :wink:



In the Northeast :badgrin:

:lol: :lol: :wink:

Author:  Private Reggie [ Fri Jan 22, 2016 9:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: New Jokes thread

Mick and Paddy were fishing on the Irish shoreline when Mick pulled out a cigar.

Finding he had No matches, he asked Paddy for a light.

‘Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter,’ Paddy replied and then reaching into his tackle

box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

‘My God, man!’ exclaimed Mick, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. ‘Where’d yew git dat monster?’

‘Well,’ replied Paddy, ‘I got it from my Genie.’

‘You haff a fackin Genie?’ Mick asked.

‘Ya, sure. It’s right here in my tackle box,’ says Paddy.

‘Could I see him?’

Paddy opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the Genie, Mick says, ‘Hey dere! I’m a good pal of your master.

Will you grant me one wish?’

‘Yes, I will,’ says the Genie.

So Mick asks the Genie for a million bucks.

The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Mick sitting there waiting for his million bucks.

Shortly, the Irish sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying directly overhead.

Over the roar of the one million ducks Mick yells at Paddy, ‘What the hell? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!’

Paddy answers, ‘Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hard of hearing.

Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?’

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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