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Wayne’s World
By
Wayne Casey
The views in this column are not the views of anyone apart from my pet cat Shola
I suppose there are numerous things i could write about this month, the damn app is an obvious and easy target, local authority stupidity is another, minicab drivers being inept at driving, but good at running drugs would be another and also a proportion of taxi drivers being socially inept retards could be another.
So to start with this month I’ll go for qualifications to be a licensed driver, and as I’m not a person to pick on any individual, I’ll start off with myself.
I left school without taking any exams. True, my mum and dad thought I went to school on the day of the exam, but I thought better and decided smoking a few cigarettes and walking along the river Caldew was by far a better and cooler way to go.
Indeed, on the day of what should have been my history ‘O’ level, I actually started work in my dad’s garage, for the princely sum of £1 per hour. I obviously realise that drivers of a certain global app will now be drooling at the potential of that kind of wage, subsequently they will be making their way to Carlisle for employment by my brother – who now runs the garage.
Therefore, the truth of the matter is, I am writing this very article, without holding any educational qualifications whatsoever. I suspect a few of you are now thinking, ‘well that explains all the grammatical errors and everything really’.
I’d probably fail at numerous hurdles to be licensed in certain areas. No educational qualification you see, I am a dumb ass.
Of course, I’m saying all this a little tongue in cheek, because the fact of the matter many licensed drivers have worked perfectly well for countless years, with a similar issue to my own.
We have driven and done the job without issue, it’s just we cannot provide a certificate to prove what we all know. The fact is, of course, we are more than qualified to do the job from the experiences we have all gone through.
Therefore, what I am asking in many respects is for local authorities to consider a licensees record before bringing in, what can only be considered by many, as insulting prerequisites for drivers with unblemished records.
Following on from the above, I want to mention the courses many of us are expected to complete in order to be considered fit and proper. I perhaps more than anyone do realise that this licensed industry of ours attracts people who can at best be described as socially inept.
A few years ago I was invited (I use the word invited because if I write, ‘If you don’t attend you won’t have a badge’ is controversial), to attend a disability awareness course.
For one hour, I was subjected to a DVD presentation on how I should handle various people with disabilities.
The DVD told me to treat everyone with respect, respect them as a person, be helpful and so on. In other words to be the kind of person my mother and father brought me up to be.
Not for one moment did it occur to me to refuse the guide dog, make fun of the person in the wheelchair or refuse the hire.
We do not need courses to educate drivers, we need enforcement and prosecutions. This bold statement isn’t rocket science, indeed those folk back in 1847 brought in law about refusing hires and being nasty to passengers.
It would seem vehicle pollution is very much a topic of the moment, as usual the licensed taxi and private hire industry is a rather convenient target. Presumably because we are the ones responsible for global warming and the untimely deaths of many children.
I am being sarcastic. The simple fact of the matter is that everyone is responsible for the pollution.
I just opened my fridge, the button mushrooms came from Ireland, the iceberg lettuce came from Spain as did the mixed peppers, we have apples and oranges all from foreign shores and I’m sure I’m not alone in this. All of this fresh produce only remains fresh for a limited period, it is probably flown in and it’s reasonably cheap.
To get fresh produce from a field in Spain or Ireland to my local supermarket creates a chain of pollution, yet it appears the humble taxi is the one to take the hit. Heaven forbid we bring in a policy that restricts the free movement of supermarket goods at a reasonable price.
Now let us consider the vehicle manufacturers. We are all aware of recent scandals involving manufacturers who were effectively hoodwinking regulators in respect of vehicle emissions. Government can hardly point the finger at the public when to all intents and purposes we innocently bought vehicles we thought were cleaner and greener.
In respect of certainly the hackney carriage trade, especially in areas where vehicles must be wheelchair accessible, there isn’t to my knowledge any other choice than a diesel powered vehicle.
Now let us get to local traffic conditions and road planning. We all drive for a living, we are all aware of traffic lights that obviously stop traffic and seem to be out of sequence. We are aware of speed humps that are apparently, there to slow traffic down, but have not been looked at for years and are in poor condition and we obviously follow buses that seem to spew out toxic fumes every time they accelerate.
We are also aware of schools closing and parents having to find schools miles away from where they live, thus leading to congestion and pollution during the times the schools open and close.
We are aware of bus companies not serving routes properly and are therefore giving the public no alternative other than to use their own transportation.
Let me carry on to taxis, we are all aware of the cross border-hiring situation.
It may well transpire that a council will consult with the local taxi trade and come to some agreement in respect of cleaner vehicles. Yet this policy is a complete waste of time and effort if the law allows vehicles to work in your area that are licensed by another an authority where the emissions policy is not as rigid.
If we are to all have electric vehicles it would seem to me that both national and local government are seriously going to have to ask themselves some hard questions. A number of local authorities still, quite rightly, regulate taxi numbers, but the majority do not.
The only viable places to put charging points are taxi ranks. The number of rank spaces in the majority of areas is quite pitiful, particularly in areas where councils have delimited taxi numbers.
Now let us consider the vehicle, there is an awful amount of hype about the new vehicles that are to be produced, but very little else. How much are they going to cost, how far can they travel, how reliable are they going to be, what is the lifespan of the batteries?
What we appear to have is government nationally and locally pushing us in a direction when the technology is for the most part unproven and the infrastructure isn’t actually there. As far as planning goes, this appears to me to be a little daft. Almost as daft as thinking making every licensed vehicle greener will make any difference to the pollution levels.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
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