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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 3:00 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2005 8:44 pm
Posts: 10591
Location: Scotland
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night.
Mick, the bartender, says 'You'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy.
Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then"
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.
He falls flat on his face.
"What the...." he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again.'Damn! he says.
He looks to the doorway and thinks that if he can just get to the door, get some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air,
feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement and falls flat on his face.
George... I'm soused he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and decides to try for it.
He crawls down the street and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and looks inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says, 'No flappin' way.
But he somehow crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and thinks, I think I can make it to the bed.
He takes a step into the room andfalls flat on his face again.
He says, "This is hell" "I gotta stop drinking" but manages to crawl to the bed and fall in.
The next morning, his wife comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says,"Get up Paddy"
"Did you have a bit to drink last night" Paddy says, "I did Jess" "I was totally [edited by admin] faced".
"But how'd you know"? Mick called.. "You left your wheelchair at the pub".


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 2:50 am 
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Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 4:31 pm
Posts: 1409
Location: Grim North, Carrot Crunchers and Codhead Country, North of Watford Gap
hows about a bit of Scouse humour

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBYlXfjK ... re=related


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 3:11 pm 
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Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2007 2:17 pm
Posts: 167
Location: Norfolk "Nelson's County"
Humour hopper style:

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman
greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to sh*t yourself when I tell you the price."

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