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Commission For Laws – New Revisions to Legislation.
In an unexpected move today the Commission for Laws made an announcement on their next project.
Sir Percival Chamberlain QC, OBE, CSE and O Level, famous descendant of a Round Table Knight, called a press conference to tell the world of the plan.
He said “The time has come for the Law of the Land to get to grips with an age old question, how long is a piece of string?”
All interested parties are asked to involve themselves in the wide-ranging consultation.
For a start some simple definitions will need to be addressed, what unit of measurement should be used to cover the “How Long” part of the question? Sir Percival rightly pointed out that the metre, its multiples and fractions included may be considered “too French”. The source metre (US meter) is after all kept at the Bureau International des Poids et Mesures at Sèvres, France. Imperial Measurements are however, a little out of date. Though the “Mile” is still the unit of length that most people use in travelling, the Inch, Foot, Yard, Chain and Furlong are less well appreciated except by horse race lovers (Q 13 refers). Other measurements such as the Japenese Shaku may well be preferred in the long run as this is based on the Chinese system and the Chinese will be soon be the major world power.
Q 1 Should the Commission recommend a particular measurement system and should legislation proscribe any other measure or measures from ever being used when discussing string?
Q 2 If the answer to the first question is yes, what penalty should be available to the Courts for those that disregard the Law and discuss string length in anything other than the measurement system legislated for?
Next the part of the original question “a piece” also causes a problem. What is the minimum length that can be considered a piece? If the girth of the piece is greater than the length can the piece be considered to still be string?
Q 3 If girth exceeds length is the piece in fact, string?
Q 3a If girth exceeds length is the piece in fact, a slice?
Can a piece still be part of a greater whole or must the piece be completely severed and, if that is the case, is it not then a whole unto itself, or is it fact “a piece”. Does the string from which it was severed become a separate “Piece” or is it to be considered as the whole? If the piece is longer than the piece it was severed from is the piece the whole and the whole the piece?
Q 4 Does the piece need to be severed and be separate from the string that it was formerly part of?
Q 5 Is the original part to be considered as a piece or a whole?
Q 6 Is the longer piece, either the piece severed or the piece severed from, to be considered as the piece, or should it be considered the whole?
Q 7 Should the shorter piece be the piece or should the other piece, the longer piece, be the piece.
Q 8 Should the piece and the whole as well as the whole and the piece both be measured to properly define which piece is the piece and which piece is the whole?
Q 9 Are both pieces, pieces?
Q 10 Are both pieces not pieces but whole unto themselves?
The final area on which the Commission seek consultation is “String”. The Commission need a string theory (but that is too long and nobody understands it anyway).
What can be defined as string? Indeed what can define string?
Q 11 Can you provide a definition of string?
A ball of what is loosely called string at a Stationers or Ironmongers may or may not in fact be string.
Q 12 If the label says string, is it therefore string?
Many things are described as string. If you own more than one horse it is a string of horses. If you tell a lie you may have to tell another, forming a string of lies.
Q 13 Should horses be measured side by side or nose to tail when considered as a string?
Q 14 Should a string of horses uniquely be measured in hands?
Q 15 Should a string of lies be measured in time, the time it takes to tell them, or should they be written down and the lies measured as a length of text?
Q15a If the text is to be measured, what font and what size font should be used?
Other string like things may on occasion be considered to be string. Wire, Twine, Cord, Cordage, Rope, Thread (Cotton), Thread (Nylon), Beans (String), Cotton, Line (Telephone), Line (Fibre Optic) Line (Fishing), Cable, Laces (shoe), Laces (Boot), Laces (Corset), and Braid are often likened to string.
Q 16 Is the Commission list complete?
Q 17 What should be added to the list of string like things that may be and maybe not, string?
Q 18 Should there be an accord that cord is not string but is always cord.
Q 19 If rope is ever described as string should the person in error be strung up and be left hanging by a thread?
A piece of string is not much use if it has no purpose. It must be pliable so that it can form a knot (except in the Maritime environment where it is used in bends and hitches unless it is a rope used as a log to measure speed which is a knot and multiples and fractions thereof). If it is not pliable it not string, it is a stick. Other string like materials may have this property but they still may not be string.
Q 20 Is stiff string a stick?
Q 21 Is a soft pliable stick, string?
Q 21 If twine is cut into three pieces (or three wholes) should it be thrine?
Q 22 Should rope be included in the proposed legislation on string.
Q 22 If rope is to be included, if two ropes are spliced together are they to be considered as one piece or two pieces spliced.
Sir Percival ended the press conference by assuring the astounded journalists that he would press ahead at a great rate of knots and the sentences would be strung together, the lines would be put on paper and the bill presented to Parliament as soon as the three thousand or so expected replies to the consultation had been received and considered.
Q 22 How long is a piece of string?
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