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Fiona McCade: Driven mad by taxi TV
Imagine you’ve just arrived back at the airport after a long holiday. You haven’t seen a newspaper or a television in weeks and you need to know what’s new. What’s the easiest way to find out? Simple. Jump into the back of a taxi and ask the driver what’s been happening.
At the very least, you’ll get a comprehensive inventory of every important talking point, most probably a rundown of the Premierleague and, undoubtedly, the driver’s expert opinion on all of it. It’s practically a public service.
I use this method often and I’ll miss it if John Paton Group, the Scottish taxi manufacturers, and Cabtivate, the media company, get their way. They’ve already introduced flat-screen televisions in 30 Edinburgh cabs and, from March, they’ll be rolling out the technology to taxis in both the capital and Glasgow.
As well as the inevitable advertising, the new technology will enable customers to watch lots of diverting stuff: news, weather, local information broadcasts and even Scottish Screen short films. What’s more, drivers who use the system will save £10,700 on the cost of a new cab, so it seems like everybody wins.
Well, everybody except me. My experience of life has been broadened immeasurably by chatting with the sort of know-it-all orators often found driving taxis. There’s nothing quite like a good verbal scrap with a complete stranger and, you never know, you might even learn something.
I already spend way too much of my time staring at screens, so when I leap into a cab, it’s in anticipation of some stimulating human contact and, hopefully, a good mutual rant. It’s faster — and cheaper — than therapy.
It’s been scientifically proven that taxi drivers’ superior experience of navigation, arithmetic and decision-making causes part of their brains, the posterior hippocampus, to become enlarged. This explains why they keep winning Mastermind, as well as possibly indicating why some of them can’t help talking out of their posteriors. Even so, you’re almost guaranteed some sort of rousing conversation.
These new screens could destroy the cabbie-customer relationship for ever. He’ll be frustrated that he can’t share his thoughts on the Iraqi elections and you’ll miss out on all the amazing facts he’s accumulated in his bulging hippocampus. If I’d been watching a film rather than listening to the sage behind the wheel, I’d never have discovered how to give mouth-to-mouth to a kitten, the truth behind the Kashmir conflict (from the former second consul at the British Embassy in Delhi) and how to cope when you’re a taxi driver called Schumacher.
If we lose contact with cab drivers, we won’t only lose a bit of humanity in our lives, we’ll miss out on an education.
_________________ Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin
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