50F degrees
People in southern England turn on the central heating.
People in Edinburgh plant out bedding plants
40F degrees
Southerners shiver uncontrollably
Glaswegians sunbathe on the beach at Largs
35F degrees
Cars in the south of England refuse to start.
People in Falkirk drive with their windows down.
20F degrees
Southerners wear overcoats, gloves and woolly hats.
Aberdonian men throw on a T-shirt & girls start wearing mini-skirts
15F degrees
Southerners begin to evacuate to the continent.
People from Dundee swim in the North Sea at Broughty Ferry
Zero degrees
Life in the south grinds to a halt
Inverness folk have the last BBQ before it gets cold
Minus 10F degrees
Life in the south ceases to exist
People in Dunfermline throw on a light jacket
Minus 80F degrees
Polar bears wonder if it's worth carrying on.
Boy Scouts in Oban start wearing their long trousers
Minus 100F degrees
Santa Claus abandons North Pole.
People in Stirling put on their 'long johns'.
Minus 173F degrees
Alcohol freezes
Glaswegians get upset because all the pubs are shut
Minus 297F degrees
Microbial life starts to disappear.
The cows in Dumfries-shire complain about farmers with cold hands
Minus 460F degrees
All atomic motion stops.
Shetlanders stamp their feet and blow on their hands
Minus 500F degrees
Hell freezes over.
Scotland wins the World Cup......
