Taxi Driver Online

ive had an idea...............

Well lie down in a quiet, darkened room and don't have any more!

_________________
Chris The Fish

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gdlyi5mc ... re=related

and take my clothes off?

Only if it's very, very dark, reasonably warm and lonely - very, very, very lonely!

_________________
Chris The Fish

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gdlyi5mc ... re=related

will you not be in there then?

In a word, after all due deliberation, which took less than a millisecond.... NO

_________________
Chris The Fish

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gdlyi5mc ... re=related

but if its darkened, how will i know?

With a name like Chris the fish, maybe you would be able to smell him.

_________________
Grandad,

Only two things smell of fish. One of them is fish.

_________________
Chris The Fish

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gdlyi5mc ... re=related

I think you're working too many hours, its turned you all funny.

Actually fish isn't supposed to smell of fish. It only smells of fish when it is going off.

_________________
Grandad,

So what does it smell of before it goes off?

Fish before it goes off!

It should smell of the water it came from. So if it came from the sea it should smell like sea water and if it came from fresh water it should smell slightly earthy, like the mud in the water. It should also be firm to the touch. If it starts to feel squishy it is already past it's best.

_________________
Grandad,

As a charter angling skipper on the one hand, and as a Navy Caterer for 22 years.....
Freshest fish is still moving. Eyes bright & clear. Flesh firm. Smell slightly of fish. Gills bright and clean.
Next freshest is stiff (rigour mortis - wears off in a couple of hours) Eyes bright & clear. Flesh firm. Smell slightly of fish. Gills bright and clean.
Next freshest not stiff. Eyes bright & clear. Flesh firm. Smell slightly of fish. Gills bright and clean. (this should be the quality at a standard fishmonger)
Finally Eyes cloudy, flesh flacid, strong smell of fish, gills dark and covered in mucous - if you are gardener, bury this under 6 inches to a foot of topsoil. Turn over after a week and grow excellent vegetables which you can swap with me for fish at stage one or two.
Exceptions are sharks and rays which should smell of amonia and Dover sole which should be dead at least three days. All other fish - including all other soles - is better the fresher.
Various methods can be used to prolong food "life" of fish - smoking, salting, drying, pickling and freezing being the most common.
Fish should be gutted at the time of catching - but Salmon, mackeral and Bass amongst others should only be gutted immediately before cooking.
By the way, I don't like eating fish. I do like Langoustine, Lobster and Squid (not the silly little Calamari stuff (though it is good bait) but the large home caught stuff that is about 2 foot long and weighs about 5LB).
Squid should be flash cooked and served with it's own ink and an equivalent ammount of fried to golden Onion rings.
Oysters should smell of the Sea, but must be fresh and preferably alive when eaten but only when there is an R in the month.
Lobsters and crabs - despite what the green brigade say - should be cooked alive.
If you catch a strange fish when on holiday abroad. A piece of clean silver (not a nickel coin but real silver) boiled for 2 minutes with a piece of fish flesh will prove the flesh to be non-poisonous. If the silver tarnishes the fish is Toxic. This test is infallible.
As I said before - only two things smell of fish.....




One is fish.

_________________
Chris The Fish

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gdlyi5mc ... re=related