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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2016 2:27 pm 
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sasha wrote:
There's a bloke in a tractor chucking drugs all over the countryside. My mate reckons it'll be that Farmer Ceutical !


ffs mate, when i was a kid i used to love tractors :evil: had posters all over my bedroom, collect photos, my dad used to take me to tractor meets & bought all the tractor magazines , not now though , im a extractor fan :lol: :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2016 2:30 pm 
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grandad wrote:
ven2112 wrote:
edders23 wrote:
have you heard about Vens new guide dog it has been taught to only respond to commands in spanish




it's an espanyol #-o

:lol: :lol: :lol: =D>

i walked in to the local pub with my pug, barman says , "sorry mate you cant bring dogs in here" i said " its a guide dog mate, im blind ", he said, "yer kidding aint ya, pugs aint guide dogs mate", i said "eh?, they gave me a fooking pug? "!!! :shock: :lol:

alternate punch line.
"yer kidding aint ya, pugs aint guide dogs mate", i said "Well it fooking well got me here. "!!!

:lol: :lol: =D>


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2016 4:07 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
I''m releasing my own fragrance this Christmas.

Probably about an hour after the Sprouts and Stuffing......

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2016 4:08 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
Whats Forest Gump's Password?

1Forest1

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2016 4:10 pm 
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I hear trotsky applied for another job with greggs for new year..................

but the roll had already been filled #-o

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2016 4:43 pm 
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edders23 wrote:
I hear trotsky applied for another job with greggs for new year..................

but the roll had already been filled #-o

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 11:59 am 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
So how do you circumcise a whale?

Send down four skin divers.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 4:52 pm 
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I'm releasing a Christmas single 'Duvet Know Its Christmas', It's a cover.

Bought some Jamie Oliver sausages, the packet says 'p r i c k with a fork'. Bit harsh, he does a lot for charity.


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 4:53 pm 
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sasha wrote:
I'm releasing a Christmas single 'Duvet Know Its Christmas', It's a cover.

Bought some Jamie Oliver sausages, the packet says 'p r i c k with a fork'. Bit harsh, he does a lot for charity.


surely that cant be [edited by admin] edited out ffs :lol: :lol:

it was :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: on a taxi drivers forum often frequented by 10 year old lads & lasses , unbelievable tbh :roll:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2016 6:29 am 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
Christmas really is a magical time...

All my money has disappeared into thin air! :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2016 6:46 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
Today I was at the bakery.
I was 5 min in the store and when I got out, there is a traffic warden and she is writing a parking ticket!
I to her: "I was only 5 minutes at the baker!" She ignores me and fills in the ticket.
Coolly: "You can not park here. In addition, I advise you to calm down, otherwise it will be even more expensive!"
So she got on my nerves, so I called her a stupid itch and told her where she could put her ticket book.
Since the lady at once totally annoyed and rambled about my display and worse ticket for me.
Then I lost my temper and told her I thought she was the hooker of the office and if she were looking for another place on the street, she could earn more.
She became pale, clamped the ticket behind the windshield wiper and marched away.
I did not care, I was there on foot! :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2016 8:07 pm 
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I bumped into my ex lass in town earlier, I said:

"How's your new bloke?"
"He's twice the man you are," she sneered, "what about your new woman?"
I said, "thankfully she's half the woman you are, you fat clunt."


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2016 8:08 pm 
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ISIS Awards Night:

And the 2016 best suicide bomber award goes to ...... Mohammed.

Unfortunately, Mohammed can't be with us tonight..... :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2016 8:11 pm 
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In a recent survey when asked if immigration was a problem 28% of people said yes, the other 72% said ديموقراطية


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2016 8:14 pm 
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My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've been taking the pi$$ out of her size. So I'm going all out to make it up to her tonight.
I've got a good bottle of wine in and bought her the latest dvd box set of her favourite programme. When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favourite takeaway for her tea, then go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink, fingers crossed :wink:


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