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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2017 7:52 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:06 pm
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Location: Twixt Heaven and Hell, but nearest Hell
Whilst out driving I rang my wife...

Hi love

Me) Hi

Her) you ok?


Me) sure, you?

Her) yeah

Me) by the way love, im eating my sandwiches

Her) ok

Me) er, whats on them?

Her) crab paste

Me), ok, where did you get the crab paste?

Her) from the chemist

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2017 8:14 pm 
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Posts: 2555
edders23 wrote:
The Hygiene inspector visits Murphy's Bakery and finds Murphy using his own False teeth to Crimp the Steak pie pastry.

He is appalled, "Murphy, do you not have a Tool?"

"Aye" replies Murphy, "But I use that to put the holes in the doughnuts"

=D> =D> :lol: :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun May 21, 2017 8:59 am 
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Location: Twixt Heaven and Hell, but nearest Hell
Paddy is last in line for the guillotine, the previous 3 were saved when the blade stopped short of thier necks by inches, paddy lies down, the blade drops and stops, being allowed 3 tries they haul the blade back up and paddy shouts..

"hang on guys, I CAN SEE WHERE ITS STICKING"

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 6:49 pm 
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Tapping up a lass in the club last neet, and we got on canny , so I asked if I could go back to her flat and shag her, "no way ven mate" she said " i'm on my menstrual cycle" "nowts a bother " I said "you lead the way and i'll follow on my Honda " :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 6:52 pm 
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Can't believe my girlfriend just called me old fashioned. And with her ankles showing - the fooking slut :x


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 6:56 pm 
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Two Indonesian men have been caught having gay sex by vigilantes, they have been sentenced to public whipping. They plan to get caught again on Friday, Saturday, Next Monday and Wednesday :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 6:57 pm 
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Just got the new Renault Mccann.I parked it outside earlier and now i cant find it :roll:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 7:01 pm 
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My young daughter asked me this morning, "Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream." "Nothing, darling," I replied. It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-shaved head


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 Post subject: Protect home from IS
PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2017 6:18 pm 
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Location: Twixt Heaven and Hell, but nearest Hell
Anti-terrorist kit for home

Image

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 Post subject: Re: Protect home from IS
PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2017 2:07 pm 
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Posts: 19290
Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
wannabeeahack wrote:
Anti-terrorist kit for home

Image



it really isn't funny eusasmiles.zip just sad that people think it is

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 10, 2017 8:28 am 
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Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2007 11:27 pm
Posts: 19673
*BREAKING NEWS*
2 Muslims have crashed their speedboat into the Thames barrier.
Police have warned that this could be the beginning of ram-a dam!

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To support my charity text MAYORWALK to 70085 to donate £5


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 10, 2017 3:11 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
so we have a new force in British politics

the MAYDUP party :lol:

or is it the May Duped party :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Protect home from IS
PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 12:22 am 
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Location: Braintree, Essex.
wannabeeahack wrote:
Anti-terrorist kit for home

Image



:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:10 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.

"What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home ... and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.

"Paddy, there, I told you it must be a simple explanation...........


..She never got your Email

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 6:47 pm 
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Location: Stamford Britains prettiest town till SKDC ruined it
My mate says that the cost of living is so bad his wife is forced to have sex with him because she can't afford batteries

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