Taxi Driver Online

Subject: Company policy for 2009

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy,
Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of
age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the
SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been
RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse)
or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have
AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much [edited by admin] (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of [edited by admin] it gives employees. Should you feel that you
do not receive enough [edited by admin], please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to
give you all the [edited by admin] you can handle!


Sincerely,
The Management

_________________
Grandad,