Taxi Driver Online

CLARKSON FACTUALLY CORRECT

JEREMY Clarkson was factually correct, it was claimed last night.

Of course, you wouldn't actually allow a Scotsman into your houseAs the Top Gear presenter faced a storm of protest after describing prime minister Gordon Brown as 'a one-eyed Scottish idiot', experts stressed the constituent parts of the statement could all be verified.

Julian Cook, professor of semantics at Reading University, said: "Think of it this way. What if Jeremy Clarkson had divided the information into three separate sentences?

"For instance; 'Gordon Brown has one eye'. Yes he does. No-one is denying that. Secondly, 'Gordon Brown is Scottish'. Yes he is, so are lots of other people and that is reasonably normal.

"And finally 'Gordon Brown is an idiot'. Well yes, of course he is. If you didn't think that then clearly you're some kind of idiot. And possibly Scottish. With one eye."

Professor Cook added: "It's all about language, it's all about context.

"Put it this way, if he had called Gordon Brown a 'Jocko moron whose eyes are all wonky', or maybe 'Long John Silver, the kilted [edited by admin]', or perhaps even 'Winky McF*cknut, the alcoholic sheep-sh*gger' then yes, I could see how some people might find that offensive.

"Or if he had put on an eye patch and sat there shouting 'jings! crivens! am such a wee eejit!'.

"Or if he had wandered around the stage with one eye shut, bumping into things while sticking his tongue inside his bottom lip and banging the backs of his hands together while screaming 'och aye the noo, I'm Gordon the spazzy', then yes, that is perhaps going a bit too far."

Professor Cook said Clarkson's sentence was not only accurate but possessed a 'beautiful simplicity', adding: "Or what about this one? He puts on an eye patch, a kilt and a tam o'shanter and performs simulated intercourse at the wrong end of an inflatable sheep and then falls off the stage. Yeah, I'd liked to have seen that."

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/celebrity/clarkson-factually-correct-200902061562/

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

He missed out cyclops

That would be factually incorrect.

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Grandad,

Jeremy was spot on....he Desrcibed Gordy perfectly.

Im Scottish and cant see any offence in it...its all fact..he was Scottish...He has one eye...and he has done some Idiotic things.

If anything Id prefer Jermey Clarkson as Prime minister to the O.E.S.I.
that we currently have..

Who is Jeremy Paxton? where is he an MP?

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Grandad,

hmmm....I forget...some folk might not own a telly.

He,s a telly Chappy in deep PC doo doo...a so called racist and bigot...which he aint because he's more honest and truthful than all the MPs put together

He's not an MP..he Doesnt have to be an MP for me to prefer him as Prime Minister to our current Prime Minister...yes he would need to be an MP to do so but not for me to like him to do so....any clearer??

OH YOU MEAN JEREMY PAXMAN.

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Grandad,

Well spotted grandad....I popped that deliberate mistake in just to see who was paying attention...there was a cash prize to the first correct answer....sadly even though you Win that cash prize I had to settle an out of court settlement Mr Jeremy Paxton and the cash Prize money went..

Gordon and the donkey

A young man named Gordon bought a donkey from an old farmer for £100

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when the
farmer drove up he said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the
donkey is on my truck, but unfortunately he's dead.

Gordon replied, 'Well then, just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'I can't do that, because I've spent it already.

Gordon said, 'OK then, well just unload the donkey anyway.

The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'

Gordon answered, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

To which the farmer exclaimed, 'Surely you can't raffle off a dead
donkey!'

But Gordon, with a wicked smile on his face said, 'Of course I can,
I just won't bother to tell anybody tha t he's dead.'

A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked, 'What
happened with that dead donkey?'

Gordon said, 'I raffled him off, sold 500 tickets at two pounds a
piece and made a huge, fat profit!!'

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, 'Didn't anyone complain that you
had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?'

To which Gordon replied, 'The only guy who found out about the
donkey being dead was the raffle winner when he came to claim his
prize. So I gave him his £2 raffle ticket money back plus an extra
£200, which as you know is double the going rate for a donkey, so he
thought I was great guy!!

Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the Exchequer
and then Prime Minister as and no matter how many times he lied, or
how much money he stole from the British voters, as long as he gave
them back some of the stolen money, most of them, unfortunately,
still thought he was a great guy.

The moral of this story is that, if you think Gordon is about to
play fair and do something for the everyday people of the country
for once in his miserable, lying life, think again my friend,
because you'll be better off flogging a dead donkey.

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

I dispair with this idiot. It was obvious that when the money was given to the banks nobody would ever see the benefit. If only they had kept the money in the kitty and dropped the tax burden to average joe blogs it would have kept us spending which is what this economy needs

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Can I add a animal cruelty point to quite a serious post?

CC

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

You can add whatever you like. It appears we are the only two talking here

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

I thought it was US spending that had created this mess. Us spending money we hadn't got so we borrowed it from the banks!

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Grandad,

You know it wasn't just us spending money we didin't have. The banks spent considerably more money than they didn't have on quite a bit that turned sour very quickly. In fact I think our debt is quite small compared to the banks debt from speculation. I believe the VAT should have remained the same, the interest rates remain the same and the income tax reduced considerably for a period of time. But that is of course only my opinion

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Realy, What have the banks spent money on? The vast majority has been lending to people who can't afford to pay it back. Personal debt in this country is very close to £1 trillion.

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Grandad,