Taxi Driver Online

Is it me or is it decidedly boring in here tonight, I've taken to listening to Mary MacGregor on u-tube ffs

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

With it being all change in the toots household I decided to start clearing some stuff out. I started with the food cupboards and found unopened peanut butter and unopened marmite. Not being able to decide which to have I had both. Now normally I wouldn't dream of mixing them but I was feeling like something completely different and I'm glad I did cos it was lovely.

Does anybody else have a strange mix of food that they eat?

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Mature cheddar cheese and raspberry jam is fantastic.

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Grandad,

egg mayonaise with crushed chicken flavour chrisps in a sandwich.....mmmmmm!

Anyway I think after last nights onslaught from a recent poster and todays new list of things my head hurts and I could do with some light relief. Can we have some jokes to make me laugh please

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed!"

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

thank you

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Stationtone I hope you weren't referring that blonde at Toots

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Watch out curiosity killed the cat

Looks like you beat me to it

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Watch out curiosity killed the cat

He couldn't be I'm not blonde

Blonde moments are a state of mind not a colour of hair

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

I'll stand corrected then

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Watch out curiosity killed the cat

Blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Not corrected just informed The truth be known I probably should have been born blonde

I love the jokes

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

blonde follows a lorry flashing her headlights and pipping her horn


she shouts "your losing your load driver!"


he replies


"Its a gritter lorry you blonde you....."

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most