Taxi Driver Online

A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. So he waited for her to leave one night and jumped in a cab to follow her. He soon found out she was working in a Lady of the Night.

The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a 100 pound
The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?"

The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the Lady of the Night, grab his wife and bring her into the cab.

So the cabbie goes in, and a couple of minutes later the Lady of the Night door is kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging a woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab.

The cabbie opens the door, throws the girl inside and tells the man, "Hold her!"

The man looks down at the girl and screams to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE!"

The cabbie replies, "I know, she's mine; I'm going back in for yours."

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't
realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the
driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my
first day driving a cab, I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is
staring.
'I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you,' says
the cabbie.
'My son, you cannot offend me,' says the Nun. 'When you're as old as I am
and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear
just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or
ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well,' said the cabbie, 'I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss
me.'
'Well, lets see what we can do about that,' the Nun replies. 'First,
you have to be single and, second, you must be Catholic.'
The cabbie is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'Okay,' says the Nun. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The Nun fulfills his fantasy with a passonate kiss but, when they get
back on the road, the cabbie starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the Nun, 'why are you crying?'
'Forgive me, Sister, for I have sinned,' says the cabbie. 'I lied, and
I must confess that I'm married and I'm a Methodist.'
That's okay,' says the Nun. 'My name is Kevin and I'm going to a
costume party.'

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!




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Why don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.



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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh



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Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".



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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no



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Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.



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Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.



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The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.



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Boys are like parking spaces the good ones are take-in!!!!



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What did one ghost say to another?
Do you believe in people?



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They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.



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When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.



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Where did you get those big eyes?
They came with the face.



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I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.



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It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look.



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A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.



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"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."



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I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.



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"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."



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We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.


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Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.



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The quickest way to make tossed salad is to give fresh vegetables to an 18-month-old child.



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"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."



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"How is your wife getting along on her reducing diet?"
"Fine. She vanished last night."




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"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"



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"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."



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"I heard you missed school yesterday."
"Not a bit."


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"I gotta 'A' in spelling."
"You dope! There isn't any 'A' in spelling."



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My wife is always talking about a trip to Europe.
I have no objections - I let her talk.



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There's one thing good about being poor - its inexpensive.



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Summer must be over. My neighbour just returned my lawn furniture.

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.

And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"

And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"

What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?

Castrated
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What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?

Men always miss them.

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Was it me or did that young lad seem more pleased to see the fella than the girl

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

They're not use to snakes that big obviously

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
Slow.



What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.



What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is? An insurance company.



Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't
have feelings.



Why do men have a hole in their penis? So oxygen can get to their
brains.

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

This man has just as big a mouth as some on the forum


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xivc98hVHRA&NR=1