Taxi Driver Online

100 DOLLAR BILL



Bob got home late one night and, Becky, his wife says, 'Where in the hell have you been?'


Bob replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.



''A tattoo?' she frowned. '



What kind of tattoo did you get? ''



I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly.



What the hell were you thinking?' she said, shaking her head in disgust..



Why on earth would a retired person get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates? '



Well, I did it for 4 reasons.



· One, I like to watch my money grow.



· Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.







· Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And,



· Four, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.





Bob is recovering in room 234 at St Joseph Hospital ..

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Jesse comes home from work to find her husband sitting in a chair blow drying his penis with a hair dryer

She says"what are you doing"

He says "i am heating your dinner up"

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?" asked the blonde.

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

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When the surgeon came to see Bambi on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life.

"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy."

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Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

And Jesus said unto his twelve disciples as he was being nailed to the cross, '....and don't touch my f*ckin' easter eggs. I'll be back on Monday!'

The first year student had just gotten a beat up old VW beetle from his parents. When he took it for a spin, he misjudged the curve and overturned the car directly between the house of Mr and Mrs Smith and Mr and Mrs Balls


luckily, he was pulled out by the Smiths.

There was a farting contest coming to town
and people came from miles around
the first fart was extremely loud
the second fart pleased the crowd
the third fart, the judges cried
"He [edited by admin] his pants, he's disqualified!"



There once was a man from kanass
Who's nuts were made out of brass
in stormy weather
he'd clack them together
and lightning shot out of his ass

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Skippy and Jimbo were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

Toots walked by and asked what are you doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Jimbo "but we don't have a ladder." Then Toots took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then Toots took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.


Skippy shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

Ffs I nearly fell off my chair

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

There Once was a Man called Reg

Who Went with a Girl in a Hedge

Along came his wife

With a big Carving Knife

And cut off his meat and two veg

Toots was driving down the road, and spotted another
Blonde in the middle of a hayfield rowing a boat. She stopped the car, got out
and went to the shoulder of the road, and yelled, "You know, it's blondes like you that give blondes a bad name!, and if I could swim I would come out there
and kick your ass!"