Taxi Driver Online

And grew moobs

that's those saggy scary things that men just shouldn't have

come to think of it neither should woman

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

A redhead, brunette, and blonde are all in the hospital waiting to give birth.

The redhead turns to the brunette and says, " I was on top so im going to have a girl"

The brunette looks at the redhead and says " Well i was on the bottom so i'm going to have a boy".

All of a sudden they both hear snifflin, and turn to look at the blonde and she is crying and bawling her eyes out, and they say " Whats the matter honey?"

The blonde says with a sad face " I'm gonna have puppy's!!"

Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter one asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiiiing."

TALK ABOUT
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_-8FADSUGteE/S ... 0/foot.jpg

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sets it down. A monkey swings across the bar and [edited by admin] in the pint.

The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies, "The piano player". The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey [edited by admin] in my beer?"

The pianist replies, "No, but if you hum it I'll play it."

and you said my jokes were bad anyways,..........................


CSA Forms

The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details:
These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check number 11, It takes the prize.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Tyrone Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 36 Nottingham Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area, and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

8. Leroy Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive , mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Shameful Very funny though

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

No. 10 on that list sounds very familiar. Do you agree, Echo.

If I was of a suspicious nature I would believe this to be a very suspect innuendo

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Let's just say I wouldn't have to use a sat-nav.

So you know where it is I hoped you, and echo for that matter, stayed home and watched Delia

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW.

'WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!'

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in
CAMPBELTOWN, SCOTLAND.
You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.

However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty.

After all, it is ONLY A SIGN. You may say.

'What kind of business would dare to post such a sign?'

Answer:
A FUNERAL PARLOUR.

(WHO SAID MORTICIANS HAD NO SENSE OF HUMOUR?)

YOU GOTTA LOVE IT!!!

= God Bless Britain =

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."

1st Man: "No, it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."

1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

2nd Man: "Well what the heck, it works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'

Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker:

"You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.

Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball."
Man- "That's nice."
Boy- "Want to buy it?"
Man- "No, thanks."
Boy- "My dad's outside."
Man- "OK, how much?"
Boy- "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy- "Dark in here."
Man- "Yes, it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy- "$750."
Man- "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.

That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."