Taxi Driver Online

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mI2a1TTSgpQ

A real Blond moment

Shes a driver with pink ladies

Ffs it's things like that that make we wish I was a bloke Scary thing though if she came here she would actually be allowed to drive on our roads and dare I say it she would be able to work on the taxi's for at least a week before the compliants came in

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

http://www.funnyjokesgalore.com/conjoined_balls.html

He must be very hard

well worth watching, awesome ending as well






http://www.405themovie.com/view.asp

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Dear Mr. Darling,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Britain's economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:


There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force. - Pay them £1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new British CAR. Twenty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

4) They must send their kids to school / college /university - Crime rate fixed

5) Buy £50 of alcohol / tobacco a week there's your money back in duty / tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

_________________
Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

JUST A HINT OF TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The hair cut

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he
asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money
from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was
pleased and left the shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door..

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the
shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when
he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept
money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor
is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve
Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'

Then, a Member of Parliament comes in for a haircut , and when he goes
to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the Members of Parliament.

_________________
Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

That is probably more money than the country actually has! £20,000,000,000,000

_________________
Grandad,

It is a mere drop in the Ocean compared to what they have squandered. PS, I seem to remember Mr Brown was talking along the lines of printing as much money as he would need.

_________________
Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

A Scottish man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
Looking around, he realized they were stranded on a desertedsland. After being there awhile, he got into into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Scot.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening... red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the Scot started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and realizing he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear,

'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Up in Aberdeen men are men and sheep are nervous

ALZHEIMER'S EYE TEST

Count every "F" in the following text:



FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE

SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI

FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH

THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...



(SEE BELOW)





HOW MANY ?

3?

















WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.

READ IT AGAIN !



The reasoning behind is further down







The brain cannot process "OF".

Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!



Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.



Three is normal, four is quite rare.
"I am always doing things I can't do, that's how I get to do them."

--

Harley Davidson died and went to heaven and was boasting to God how he designed the worlds best motorbikes.....

God disagreed saying BMW's were far better designed bikes....

Harley said to God, what would you know about design you invented women and look at all the problems we have with them....

Excuse me replied God, but I think you'll find more a lot more men are riding my creation than yours.

A young married Dublin couple enjoyed a full sex life and the woman became accustomed to rewarding him between the sheets for any act of kindness.
But he wanted to prove to her that he wanted her for more than just sex, so one day, on the spur of the moment, he bought her a huge bouquet of flowers.

"They're lovely," she said before adding suspiciously,

"I suppose you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs apart?"

"Why?" said the husband, puzzled? "Don't we have a vase anymore?"

Paddy sees an add for a blacksmiths job, goes to the interview and the blacksmith asks him "have you done much horse shoeing?

Na says Paddy but I did once tell a donkey to **ckoff.