Taxi Driver Online

2 old ladies were out in the park when a flasher jumps out at them...


one lady had a stroke but the other couldn't reach.

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf and country club. Luckily, it's a beautiful day, and there's hardly anyone on the course, so they've been breezing through the holes. Up around the seventh tee, they spot the first people on the course other than themselves, two ladies who, from the guys' perspective, are having trouble on the green. In fact, they've each five-putted it!
The first guy says ''Christ. I hope they just had a bad hole, I don't want to follow these broads for the next eleven holes!'' The second one goes, ''Well, maybe I'll go talk to them, and maybe they can let us pass them. I'll be back in a sec.''

So he trots off, about to go and ask to let them pass. Suddenly, about a hundred feet away from the women, he stops, turns and runs away from them as fast as he can. When he comes back, he exclaims, ''Jesus! That's my wife and my girlfriend! They're both here! Golfing together! I'm sorry, man, but I can't say anything to them. I'm liable to be killed if they saw me. How about you go ask them?''

So the other guy concurs, and trots off to ask the women if they can pass and get on with their game. Then he stops suddenly, spins around and runs back to his buddy in the same manner. ''What's wrong? What's the matter?'' his friend says. ''Same damn thing,'' he replies.

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

I rang my doctor, told him i had a hearing problem

he said "what are the symptoms?"


I said "a coloured cartoon family on Sky but whats that got to do with my problem?"

_________________
Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most

I just got an email from the department of health telling me that you can get swine flu from tinned pork. I deleted it because I thought it was spam!

_________________
Grandad,

Guy rushes in grabs his wife and say "Quick.... upstairs with all your gear off!" So they rush upstairs she's ripping her clothes off on the way.

"Right " He says "Do a hand stand in front of the mirror and spread your legs!"

"Oooooowwww! Kinky" She thinks "Wow I like it!"

So he rests his chin between her legs and said "You know the guys down the pub were right I would look good with a goatee"

_________________
Life? Don't talk to me about life!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjm2eslm6hI

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Involuntary Muscular Contractions


A professor at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.



Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked: 'Do you know what your [edited by admin] is doing while you're having an orgasm?..................

..................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

..........................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...............................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.....................................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



She replied 'Probably drinking beer with his mates.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took 15 minutes to restore order in the classroom...

_________________
Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one of my
cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds', I won't know whether
that refers to mine or the bank's.

_________________
Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

Mr. and Mrs. Blobby are in bed, Mrs. Blobby says "blib blob bobble blub bibbly!" Mr. Blobby says "for fu*k's sake just swallow it!"

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

A few minutes before the church services started. the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,' said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Paddy said to Murphy set the alarm for 5 in the morning, Murphy said shut up you fu*kin idiot theres only 2 of us!

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

A Glasgow woman and her young son were travelling in a taxi in Dundee. As they were driving through a rather seedy looking part of town, the boy became fascinated by the garishly made up women in short skirts and high heels who seemed to be accosting some of the men passing by.

"Mummy" the boy asked, "what are those ladies doing?"

The mother, clearly embarassed by the question, replied: "I expect they're lost and are asking people for directions"

The taxi driver overhead this and interrupted: "why not tell me boy the truth, those women are prostitutes."

The mother blushed more brightly at this remark but the boy wouldn't let it go:

"What are prostitutes Mummy, are they like other women, do they have children too?"

"Of course" the mother replied, "that's where Dundee taxi drivers come from."

Two blondes walk into a building..

You'd think at least one of them would have saw it !!

A light two seater aircraft has crashed in a cemetery north of Dublin this morning. So far police and rescuers have found 89 bodies. More are expected as the search will go on late into the night.