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PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 12:08 am 
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:lol: :lol: :lol:

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:03 pm 
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Man says:- "God why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says:- "So you would love her"
Man says:- "But God why did you make her so dumb?"
God says:- "So she would love you"

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:09 pm 
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How to impress a woman:- kiss, hug, compliment, love, tease, protect, listen and support.

How to impress a man:- show up naked with a beer :wink:

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:15 pm 
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There's a new powder form of viagra that you put in your tea. It doesn't make you hard but it stops your biscuits going soggy :D

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 4:20 am 
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http://majman.net/fly_loader.html

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 8:41 am 
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Location: A Villa in Aston NO MORE!
MR T wrote:
http://majman.net/fly_loader.html

kills = 10

time = 142.023

swats = 63

accuracy = 16%

Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 9:05 am 
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Location: A Villa in Aston NO MORE!
The real reason why Ronaldo left Man United!!

Image

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 1:09 pm 
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Location: A Villa in Aston NO MORE!
The Lyrics of a song called 'Taxi'

by Harry Chapin

It was raining hard in 'Frisco,
I needed one more fare to make my night.
A lady up ahead waved to flag me down,
She got in at the light.
Oh, where you going to, my lady blue,
It's a shame you ruined your gown in the rain.
She just looked out the window, and said
"Sixteen Parkside Lane".
Something about her was familiar
I could swear I'd seen her face before,
But she said, "I'm sure you're mistaken"
And she didn't say anything more.
It took a while, but she looked in the mirror,
And she glanced at the license for my name.
A smile seemed to come to her slowly,
It was a sad smile, just the same.
And she said, "How are you Harry?"
I said, "How are you Sue?
Through the too many miles
and the too little smiles
I still remember you."
It was somewhere in a fairy tale,
I used to take her home in my car.
We learned about love in the back of the Dodge,
The lesson hadn't gone too far.
You see, she was gonna be an actress,
And I was gonna learn to fly.
She took off to find the footlights,
And I took off to find the sky.
Oh, I've got something inside me,
To drive a princess blind.
There's a wild man, wizard,
He's hiding in me, illuminating my mind.
Oh, I've got something inside me,
Not what my life's about,
Cause I've been letting my outside tide me,
Over 'till my time, runs out.
Baby's so high that she's skying,
Yes she's flying, afraid to fall.
I'll tell you why baby's crying,
Cause she's dying, aren't we all.
There was not much more for us to talk about,
Whatever we had once was gone.
So I turned my cab into the driveway,
Past the gate and the fine trimmed lawns.
And she said we must get together,
But I knew it'd never be arranged.
And she handed me twenty dollars,
For a two fifty fare, she said
"Harry, keep the change."
Well another man might have been angry,
And another man might have been hurt,
But another man never would have let her go...
I stashed the bill in my shirt.
And she walked away in silence,
It's strange, how you never know,
But we'd both gotten what we'd asked for,
Such a long, long time ago.
You see, she was gonna be an actress
And I was gonna learn to fly.
She took off to find the footlights,
And I took off for the sky.
And here, she's acting happy,
Inside her handsome home.
And me, I'm flying in my taxi,
Taking tips, and getting stoned,
I go flying so high, when I'm stoned.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:31 am 
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An elderly man on his deathbed, he can feel the end isnt far , he notices a wonderful aroma,he realises his loving wife of 60 years is baking his favourite food ,scones

He finds the strength to drag himself to the kitchen,and as he reaches his frail withered hand up to the table,he suddenly feels the whack of a wooden spoon.His wife barks , sod off they're for your funeral.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:45 pm 
toots wrote:
There's a new powder form of viagra that you put in your tea. It doesn't make you hard but it stops your biscuits going soggy :D


And here's me thinking it was to stop me falling out of bed and to stop me P***ING on my shoes.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 2:27 am 
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=D>

On Trial

Defence Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 76 years old .

Defence Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney:
</ font>Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 20 years ago.

Defence Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to touch my breasts.

Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I certainly did not!

Defence Attorney:
Why ever not?

Little Old Lady:
His touching made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lad y:
Well, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Defence Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled,'April Fool' and that's when I shot him, the little ba$tard.


=D> =D> =D> =D> =D>

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 10:35 am 
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Location: Twixt Heaven and Hell, but nearest Hell
I often wonder if Eileen ever did come on...

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 11:00 am 
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wannabeeahack wrote:
I often wonder if Eileen ever did come on...


Eh :? :?

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:44 pm 
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toots wrote:
wannabeeahack wrote:
I often wonder if Eileen ever did come on...


Eh :? :?


Dexys midnight runners, "Come on Eileen".

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Grandad,


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:56 pm 
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grandad wrote:
toots wrote:
wannabeeahack wrote:
I often wonder if Eileen ever did come on...


Eh :? :?


Dexys midnight runners, "Come on Eileen".


:oops: :oops: Blonde moment :oops: :oops:

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