Taxi Driver Online

Q. What's got 100 legs and 3 teeth.

A. A methadone programme queue.

LOL I like that one.

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000.

It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady

put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."

The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"

The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno ."

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

The one we went to was called a Chicken Ranch...

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most

The one we went to was called The Chicken Ranch...

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most

I'm seeing double.

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
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Seeing it twice doesn't make it any more understandable, what's a cat house and what have chickens to do with it

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

I think you are doing this on purpose now. A cat house is another name for a Lady of the Night house. The Chicken Ranch is probably the most famous Lady of the Night house in the world. There have been television programmes made about it.
Oh and no I have not been there.

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Grandad,

Sorry I wasn't having a blonde moment you're quite right I was having a drunk moment. I've never heard them called cat houses but I have heard the expression 'ships cat' and normally I'd have worked it out but normally I'm sober. I seemed to think that the Lady of the Night house ranch was called something else which has escaped my memory at the minute.

Anyway I'm now sober enough to stand without assistance

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.'
'Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'
'I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead'
'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?'
'Si, Senor, that's the one.'
'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?'
'From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.'
'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'
'Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'
'Dead horse? What dead horse?'
'The thoroughbred, Senor Rod.'
'My prize thoroughbred is dead?'
'Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.'
'Are you insane?? What water cart?'
'The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.'
'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??'
'The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.'

'What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because
of a candle?? !!'
'Yes, Senor Rod.'
'But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?'
'For the funeral, Senor Rod.'
'WHAT BL00DY FUNERAL??!!'
'Your wife's, Senor Rod', she showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new TailorMade R580 XD golf club.

SILENCE . .. . . . .. . .. LONG SILENCE . . . .. . . . ..

'Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep [edited by admin]"!

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

But would you have liked to have been there?

I mean chickens; it's an acquired sexual taste!!

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car. "235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blonde's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Man goes into Superdrug and asks if they have any KY Jelly "No" says the assistant "have you tried boots?" man says "I wanna slide in not fu*king march in"

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this:
when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' ... I just lost it.' 'CASE DISMISSED!!'

Massive Recoil!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlFlXMHa ... L&index=38

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.