Taxi Driver Online

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine..'
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'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of yourwife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez..
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
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Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
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A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered..
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
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The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, 'Well, she's there

the phone rang at midnight

hubby picks it up and say "youve got the wrong number"

wife says "who was that"


hubby "some fool wanted the met office, asked if the coast was clear"

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most

the cops called round

"we have caught a burglar, he seems to have had your wifes credit card some time, did you know"?


hubby "sure"

cop "why didnt you report it?"


hubby "he was using it less than she does"

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most

after a frantic sex session i asked if she had enjoyed it, she replied "it was ok", i replied i had seen her toes wiggling, she said "yeah, id left my tights on"

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most

Two women in heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Sandra.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad.
After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack.
I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.
Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

PRICELESS!

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach...
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.
She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'
Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,
'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

FEMALE COMPASSION
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no Legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'
The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?'
The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been f#cked?'
The fellow's eyes lit up and with a big grin he said, 'No.'
She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'

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Justice for the 96. It has only taken 27 years...........repeat the same lies for 27 years and the truth sounds strange to people!

chap rings the vet at 2am, says there are two dogs bonking on his lawn and keeping awake with thier noise, what can he do


the vet says "tell the dog hes wanted on the phone"


guy says will that stop him?



vet says "well it stopped me".....................

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most

'thepenisinhermouth'

Now do you have a clean mind or a dirty one

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

And the Quink is everywhere!!

She should have used a pencil with plenty of lead!!

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Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

If you are thinking of going to Cuba for a holiday; DON'T!!

They really are in the SH*T NOW;

http://news.uk.msn.com/odd-news/article ... =149108966

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Where do you get them from?

I want one ..... to upset someone.

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

Try Ebay you can buy anything on there Why would you want to upset somebody anyway

_________________
Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Because she is a right little mother superior nun type!!!

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.