Taxi Driver Online

A Nipple licker - shot which opens up the hole
A Worm f***er - well struck shot, but which doesn't get off the ground
A Sally Gunnell - ugly runner
A Brazilian - putt which shaves the hole close
I don't go that far on me holidays - for a well struck drive
On the dance floor - on the green
A Mother in law - you're up there but you know you shouldn't be (sometimes also called a sister in law, which is not quite as grotesque)
“Does your husband play?” - for when someone hits a short tee shot
"You're standing too close to the ball......after you've hit it" - for another short tee shot
NITBY - "not in the bunker yet", for any short chip over a bunker onto the green
A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
A Rick Waller - VERY fat.......and ugly.......with no redeeming features whatsoever
Putting:
A gynaecologist's assistant - shaving the hole
A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer
A Diego Maradonna - a very nasty 5 footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out
A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Cuban - needs one more revolution
An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
Bunker Play:
An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
An Eva Braun - picked up in the bunker
A Saddam Hussein - go from bunker to bunker
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
Ball Striking:
A Kate Winslett - little bit fat but otherwise perfect
A Kate Moss - bit thin
A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional
A Michael Barrymore - a long iron
A Wilfred Bramble - a thin iron
A Glen Miller - kept low and didn't make it over the water
An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result
A Russell Grant - a fat iron
A Peter Mandelson - an unbelievable iron
A Rodney King - over-clubbed
An O.J. Simpson - got away with it
A Paula Radcliffe - not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell but still a good runner
A Marilyn Monroe - a fair crack up the middle (aka "A Blondie)
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Robin Cook - just died on the hill
A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
A Douglas Bader - looked good in the air, but didn't have the legs
An Arsene Wenger - everyone saw where it went but you
A Ken Livingstone - quite far left
A Jean-Marie LePen - a long way right
A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all may not be what it seems!
A Mrs Patel - ugly, but a good worker
An elephant's bottom - high and raspberry
A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
A circus tent - a BIG top
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it
A Tony Blair - too much spin
A Bin Laden - driven out and never to be found again
A Jamie Oliver - you really want to smack it but you can't

Methinks your earning too much if youv'e got all that time to go on the golf course tou'll be joining the masons next

The dodgy handshake club???? No thanks I'm not bent enough to join them.

Yes, we have seen your wedding photo