Taxi Driver Online

COOL-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOv0Akph ... 4wodIg6cJw

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

This boys got some lungs on him

Or he's in to whale's

David Beckham gets in a taxi.

“Heathrow please driver.”

After a few minutes Becks spots the driver giving him a few looks in the mirror. This happens continuously until they approach the airport when the driver says, “Come on mate, give us a clue?”

Beckham says, “Well I had a great career at Manchester United, Real Madrid and in the USA, not to mention over 100 caps for England.”

The driver says, “No you thick tw4t, what terminal do you want?”

Subject: Glasgow School Quiz

The scene is Bishoploch Primary School , Glasgow .

Teacher: 'Good morning children, today is Thursday, so we're going to have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday.'

Wee Murray thinks, 'Ya beauty! I'm pure dead brilliant at general knowledge, so I am. This is goannae be a doddle!'

Teacher: ' Right class, who can tell me who said. ' Don't ask what our country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?'
Wee Murray shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air.

Teacher looking round picks Farqhuar Fauntleroy at the front.
'Yes, Farqhuar?' Farqhuar (in a very English accent): ' Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy - inauguration speech 1960.'
Teacher: 'Very good Farqhuar. You may stay off Friday and Monday and
We will see you back in class on Tuesday.'

The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Murray is even more
Determined.

Teacher: 'Who said 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?'

Wee Murray 's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting 'I know, I know. Pick me Miss, pick me Miss'.
Teacher looking round and picks Tarquin Smythe, sitting at the front:
'Yes Tarquin.'
Tarquin (in a very, very posh English accent): 'Yes miss, the answer
Is Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech.'

Teacher: 'Very good Tarquin, you may stay off Friday and Monday and
Come back to class on Tuesday..'

The following Thursday comes around and Wee Murray is hyper; he's been
Studying encyclopedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.
He's coiled in his chair, dribbling in anticipation.

Teacher: 'Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?'

Wee Murray 's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his seat, jumping up and down screaming 'Pick me miss. Pick me miss. I know, I know. Me Miss, me miss, meeeeee'.
Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front.
'Yes, Rupert?' Rupert (in a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plummy English accent):
'Miss, that was Neil Armstrong, 1969, the first moon landing.'
Teacher: 'Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and
Come back into class on Tuesday.'

Wee Murray loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his chair at the wall. He starts screaming:

'WHERE THE F*CK DID ALL THESE ENGLISH BA$TARDS COME FROM?'

Teacher spins back round from the blackboard and shouts:
'Who said that?'

Wee Murray grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door,
"Robert the Bruce, Bannockburn, 1314. See ye on Tuesday Miss!"

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland . Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, 'Who is that man going into the barn?'

'That fellow traveling through,' said the farmer, 'needs a place to stay for the night, so I told him he could sleep in the barn.'

The daughter said, 'Perhaps he is hungry.' So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.
When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. 'How could he leave without even saying good-bye,' she cried. 'We made such passionate love last night!'

'What?' shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.
The farmer screamed up at him, 'I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!'

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....

'LAIDTHEOLADEETOO'

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Where have you been? that is about 1,000,000 years old..........Okay maybe I am exaggerating a teeny bit,but that one is oldddddddddd.

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if you cannot be yourself, then who can you be.

I blame digital telly and all it's repeats. The old stuff is definataly better. That said I just posted the joke 'cos it was, imo, funny

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job the first place.
It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing ten million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer "Ask him where the ten million bucks he embezzled from me is.

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

A man with a black eye boards a plane & notices the guy sitting next to him has a shiner too, the first man says "how did you get that"? Second man says "instead of asking the big breasted girl at the ticket counter for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh I asked for 2 pickets to tittsburgh". First man says "I got mine like that too. I wanted to say to my wife pour me a bowl of Frosties please" but accidentally said "you've ruined my life you fat ****". Duck walking down the street and just about to cross the road when a Chicken comes screaming grabbing him shouting "Duck Duck don't do it you'll never hear the bloody last of it".

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Wishing I was in Greenhall Whitley Land.

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

The waiter then asked, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

"Nah," I replied, "she can order for herself."

1.Police arrested two kids yesterday; one was drinking battery
acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let
the other one off.

2.My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

3.I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a muscle.


4.A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let’s have
a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he
checks his teeth. Finally, the vet says, "I’m going to have to put
him down." "What? Because he’s cross-eyed?"
"No, because he’s really heavy".

I send £2 a month to a hungry African & what does he do with the money?

Buy a f*cking vuvuzela trumpet!!

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Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

FIFA have decided that from now on all goalkeepers at the World Cup will be female, because no matter how wide they open, they never let the balls go in!!

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

Do not ask me how it works give it time to download

http://www.guessyournumber.com/