Taxi Driver Online

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

Watch the cartoon intro then hang on!! With sound commentary:

http://www.liveleak.com/mp53/player.swf ... %26embed=1

FFS I got vertical 2 feet of the ground

My new missus.

oh dear me

left my sarnies at the bottom....

The arrogance of Authority

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher says, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.

The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...

"Your badge...Show him your f*cking BADGE!"

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

A few days ago I was having some work done on my cab at my local garage, when a gorgeous blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'

She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.'

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its bonnet up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'

The mechanic said, 'Oh yeah, every car has a 710!'

If you're not sure what a 710 is then scroll down . . .

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

To most TDO posters apart from me and toots and secret Nigel

My nookie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord
From my trousers it would spring
But now I've got a full-time job
To find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing
The way it would behave
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues
To see it hang its little head
And watch me tie my shoes.

Took a girl home after the nightclub the other night,after a couple of drinks we headed upstairs,we started to get undressed when this voice says"i hope thats not that ugly bird from last week?"the girl says"what the f**k was that"to which i replied "its just that bloody memory foam matress".

Quote by Willie Nelson - "well, ive outlived my pecker..."

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1961, and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
> He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
> 'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
> 'Have a seat in the living room.
> Would you like something to drink?
> Lemonade? Iced tea?'
> 'Iced tea, please,' Fred said.
> Mum brought the iced tea.
> 'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.
>
> 'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at
> the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..'
>
> 'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.
>
> 'Really?' Fred replied, his eyebrows rising.
>
> 'Oh yes,' the mother continued, 'When she goes out with her friends,
> that's all they do! Screw, again and again !!'
>
> 'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.
> 'Yes,' said the mother.
> 'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
>
> 'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began
> thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
>
> A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs
> looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and
> a hooped skirt, and with her hair tied back
> in a bouncy ponytail.
> She greeted Fred.
>
> 'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.
>
> Two hours later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue
> burst into the house and slammed the
> front door behind her.
>
> 'The Twist, Mum!' she angrily yelled to
> her mother in the kitchen.
>
> 'The dance is called the Twist !!!'

Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.'

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the [edited by admin] - and they are interchangeable'

_________________
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

HOW TO START A FIGHT..................


One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

______________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....

________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take
care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish
cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

________________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......

________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........

_________________
My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

http://www.politesociety.com/binladenliquors_ol10[1].swf

Bet you can't play this just once.......