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I found this amusing

Dear Friends,

Many of you may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last 2 years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book about golf. After all some of the information I gained for this book was a direct result of golfing with you!

I believe my new book on GOLF gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years of struggle and experience. I’m hopeful that you find this book a useful tool to help you enjoy your game that much more. The topics Covered are as follows:

Chapter 1 – How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt.

Chapter 2 – How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a Titleist from
the tee.

Chapter 3 – How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a bunker.

Chapter 4 – How to Get More Distance off the Shank.

Chapter 5 – When to Give the marshal “The Finger”.

Chapter 6 – Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings.

Chapter 7 – When to Implement Handicap Management.

Chapter 8 – Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.

Chapter 9 – How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round.

Chapter 10- When Does A Divot become classified as Sod.

Chapter 11 – How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the water.

Chapter 12 – Why your Spouse Doesn’t Care That You Birdied the 5th..

Chapter 13- Using Curse words Creatively to Control Ball Flight.

Chapter 14-When to Let a Foursome Play through Your Twosome.

Chapter 15 – How to Relax When You Are Hitting five off the Tee.

Chapter 16 – When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent.

Chapter 17 – God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt.

Chapter 18 – When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever.

Chapter 19- Throwing Your Clubs: An Effective Stress-Reduction Technique.

Chapter 20 – Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?

Chapter 21 – Why Male Golfers Will Pay R15.00 a Beer from the Cart Girl and give her a R5.00 Tip , but will balk at R4.50 at the 19th Hole and stiff the Bartender.

Thanking you in advance for your order.

_________________
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

Missed a few chapters
1 How not to use the footclub in the rough to give a better lie

2 Always remember to remove your car keys from bag before throwing it in lake.

3 Always remember when playing a match and your opponent says take it away he means the flag and not your ball .

Which tree to take a p!ss behind?

Less wrist strength but better developed chests

_________________
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

1) No rope or ligatures allowed in your bag (instant disqualification),as other golfers will be distracted to find you hanging off of a tree.

2) Likewise with any gun or propellant that you may own (clubs and balls are ok ). As you have missed the greens all day, then with any suicidal attempt you are likely to miss yourself and strike an opponent.....................which could mean disqualification for you .

_________________
if you cannot be yourself, then who can you be.