MURRAY.
There were two reasons Andy Murray lost in the Wimbledon final to Roger Federer. The first was that he was put off by all the stupid dicks shouting “Come on Andy”, and the second reason is that he always loses when his Mummy Mrs Andy is there watching him. Therefore the woman is a ****ing jinx.
Despite losing Murray did Scotland proud, but only up to the point he got beaten. After that he embarrassed the whole of Scotland with his snivelling, sobbing and crying like a big daft Jessie. There are only three occasions when it’s okay for a Scotsman to cry, and getting humped at Wimbledon isn’t one of them.
The three okay for a Scotsman to cry occasions are when he gets kicked in the testicles, or when his wife has put his Rangers/Celtic top in with a pink wash, or when he gets kicked in the testicles.
If a Scotsman cries for anything other than those reasons he gets the sh*t kicked out of him for being a diddy. And deservedly so.
Mind you, bubbling like a big girl is something I suppose you could expect from somebody who never seems to go anywhere without his Mummy.
And what the **** was he crying for anyway?. He might have lost but he still walked away with £575k in prize money, and only a £1 of that judging by Mrs Andy’s hairstyle will be going on a Mrs Andy’s haircut.
Any normal person getting £575, minus the £1 for a haircut, for a few hours work.....well you wouldn’t be able to get the smile off their face. With £575k in your pocket you could employ someone to do your crying for you so that they look like a t*** and not you.
You could also pay someone to do your smiling for you. Murray never smiles. This leads me to believe that he must have a smile like Gordon Brown, the sort of smile that makes him look like someone who is on the sex offenders register. And with a smile like Gordon Brown, deservedly so.
The even less smiley Victoria Beckham was at centre court watching the final but her not smiling is a public service, because have you ever seen her smile?.
Wow, it’s wide, so wide it looks as though she’s trying to eat the back of her head off. And quite frankly the sight of Mrs Beckham smiling scares children and terrifies small woodland creatures. That’s why she never smiles but as she has to do something with her lips she pouts. Now you might have thought that she pouts that ridiculous ****ing pout of hers because she thinks it makes her looking alluring. But that’s not the reason at all. She knows that her ridiculous ****ing pout looks ****ing ridiculous, but it’s either the pout or her smile which makes her look remedial. And she’d rather look ridiculous than remedial.
Unknown to her, she just looks both.
Cliff Richard was there too and it was thanks to Cliff that Wimbledon now has a sliding roof for when it rains. On a previous occasion when it rained Cliff sang to the crowd, after which the Wimbledon organisers issued an apology for the suffering caused and promised that they’d build a special roof to ensure that “****ing Cliff Richard will never ever have the excuse to bring the game of tennis into disrepute ever ****ing again”. THEIR words, not mine.
So Andy. It was bad enough losing to Federer, but then his mummy sent him to bed without his supper for not winning like she’d ordered him to. They do seem to have an odd relationship though. Sort of the Norman and his Mum the Mrs Bates of tennis.
Yes, and we all know how that ended. And it didn’t end well.
As a footnote-the BBC said the final was watched by 16.9m people, which is good news for Murray because it means that out of the 57m population of the UK 41.1m people DIDN’T see him bubbling like a girl.
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FAQ
, he hasn't failed as he has not given up on winning a slam, Andy's weakness is the fact British males at the age of 25 are not mentally tough enough or mature enough to go that extra mile, there is the odd exception Andy is not one of them, he will though come good and win at least one slam, he is though our best tennis player of all time, im sure no one can disagree 
